The Birds are Singing Again...

I would like for this blog to be able to capture the feel of yesterday's achievements and events so that I can print it out and give it to my daughter some day. I want her to understand the feeling and importance of what she has lived through; although I suspect that the task of capturing the moment is next to impossible. With a brother-in-law coming home this last week and a sister who can finally feel whole again, a new president in the White House, and something as minor as a new day of a new semester of school, I feel great...for today.

The election of the 44th president of the United States was definitely an experience of a lifetime. Much more than simply feeling the excitement from the crowd of millions who watched the inauguration of the first African American president, the world felt good again. As one of my husband's friends said "The birds were chirping once again." Of course they were chirping before too, but I think it was hard to appreciate the good when we were smothered in the doom and gloom of the economy, war, and an administration that didn't seem to care what the majority of the people wanted to do with our money or our lives for that matter. Yesterday, though, felt like a new day.

Since I had to work yesterday I watched the inauguration from my office door on a television that was 10 feet away in another room, but at least I was able to watch. I was glad too because I loved seeing all the people who were gathered and the fantastic speech from our new president. I especially liked all of the happy text messages I received from friends and family moments later. Even my own mother said "Praise God we have a new leader." Maybe George Bush wasn't as bad as all of this makes him sound. Maybe he is a scape goat for years of greed building up to what seemed to be a never ending and depressing regime, but most likely he does have some responsibility for what has occurred over the last eight years, right? To listen to him, however, he does not believe in bringing work home, being remorseful about the past, or feeling sorry for himself. He could at least muster up the energy to be empathetic to those lives that he was in charge of over the last few years and how he has impacted them. So whenever I feel bad for him, I think of last week's press conference and then I feel okay with the cheers from a crowd singing "Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye..." as he flew away. Would I have done that? No, but I do understand. You see, by not accepting any responsibility, it became easy for the public to give him all of it. Yesterday wasn't about him though, it was about hope and change, which is what we need.

I saw speeches and interviews from some of the most amazing and influential people (Colin Powell, a member of the Arkansas nine, a person who was an informant against the KKK in the 60's, and more) who were equally ecstatic and none of them did the historic moments of yesterday justice. When my daughter and I watched the Disney kids' inaugural ball that we had taped from the night before, we laughed, we danced, and watched the first kids have a blast and I thought to myself "This would be a different moment if the election outcome had turned out differently." I don't even want to pause on the thought of it because it just saddens me that we came so close.

This day did not get by, however, without the occasional naysayer or even the occasional racist. For example, I came in to my e-mail at work this morning only to see a racist e-mail from a coworker.... I awoke to MSN's ticker tape online of mostly good wishes littered with pessimism and hate from what I am guessing are the minority of Republicans who cannot fully appreciate the good fortune of a Democrat, even when it is such a historic celebration.... I talked to my husband who took uh, a relative to the airport with his wife and a couple of friends who preceded to spew racist remarks and words, even though they knew my husband, who sat in the car with his Barack Obama "Hope" shirt on, clearly did not agree with this behavior. Why? Are they better? Do they have a degree from Columbia and Harvard? Do they have even half of the foreign policy knowledge our new leadership holds? Do they have a plan to make things right with the economy, health care, the world??? My guess is no, they do not.

I get so frustrated watching people tear people down; yet never do anything to contribute to making the world a better place. How simple it must be to sit back and criticize others, not on their merit, but on their skin color, class, looks, etc. These are the individuals that take a day that is infused with excitement, achievement, and history, and pepper that day with blemishes of human flaws and setbacks. They take what the rest of us look at as a giant step forward and bring us back to reality by forcing us see exactly how much further we as a society have to go. I hear so often that "People of that generation don't know any better," but from what I know of human nature and our intrinsic ability to know right from wrong, even 50, 100, 200 years ago we as human beings knew better than to treat our fellow man the way we have seen people treated. You can't tell me that, having lived back then, I would have accepted the mistreatment and deaths of other human beings as "Part of our culture." I just wouldn't have. People knew, they simply chose to ignore what they knew was right. It wasn't okay then and it is less okay now, whether you were raised that way or not. At some point these individuals inner conscience and intelligence should have kicked in and told them that what they are doing, or saying, was hurtful and wrong. Are these individuals simply afraid of change? Do they think if they hang onto their old values and beliefs that they will somehow be able to hold onto their youth? The way things were? A simpler life? I can't say.

I realize that Obama is not going to be able to save the world; nor should we expect him to; however, I do love the feeling of inspiration that seems to be spreading like a contagious disease that is good. I love that the country has made a step forward, but understand (as one interviewee I saw out it) that we cannot become complacent because we think this is the end of an era of progress. This is only the beginning. So, onto my hopes for a day where women will be given the same privilege and respect that all men have had the chance to experience. A day where I can tell my daughter that if she works hard enough, anything she aspires to be is a possibility. We have seen it once, we can see it again. I just know it.

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With that said... What I have learned from my first day of my new semester at school: I am currently taking a group therapy class for grad school, which coincidentally gave me some insight into the leadership of a country. A person/leader of a group has a better chance of making headway through the act of inclusion. Meaning... the less polarized a group is, the more the group will be able to accomplish. Through partisan tactics, such as the ones we have seen over the past eight years, the previous leader has managed to throw a kink into the system, causing all progress to halt. By instilling fear in people, people have been less motivated to reach out to others, spend money, and to generally make any kind of progress. When everyone in the group feels welcome, the more likely the members are to reach out to others, take part in the progress, and share information with all sides. Items in groups that don't work well are ones that have manipulators, large distractions, a negative feel, and leaders without focus, which is interesting because that is exactly what went wrong with McCain's campaign. There was no cohesiveness to his group and even less in the people he was trying to inspire.

I think that is what worked so well with Obama. I was at a rally with 100,000 other people and the group had a great feel. The atmosphere was positive and inspired, which is exactly what I want to see out of our country. That same feeling was described all over the D.C area yesterday as well. So one can see how he was able to win votes! When you are part of a really good group, you want to see fellow members succeed, and even more so, you want to be able to be a part of the success. I think that is why groups like Habitat for Humanity work so well. There is a positive feel, yet people aren't getting any monetary compensation. People pitch in because they know they are doing good in the world and there is inspiration in making a difference in another person's life. I am glad we finally (hopefully!) have someone in office who seems to understand the value of teamwork and community involvement.

Sappy Little Me

I know I have talked about this before, but since my daughter was a baby we have spent many nights dancing together in her room to fun CD's. Well, awhile ago I purchased an 80's music CD with really cheesy music on it (but hey it's fun to dance to!). Anyway, today my daughter and I were dancing away to fun 80's songs like "Footloose" and that song that says something like "Get out of my dreams and into my car" in her room when I had a sappy mom moment. The song that set me off was that Rod Stewart song "Forever Young." I don't know what it is... I have heard that song a million times (and truth be told, I've never much liked it!), but today it just made me so, so sad. We were just dancing, laughing and giggling, when that song came on and my eyes started welling up and the next thing I knew I was looking into my daughter's beautiful blue eyes and my eyes just started leaking tears! My sweet daughter naturally asked what was wrong and then used her sleeve to wipe my tears away. I just told her the song just made me realize how much I love her and this seemed to pacify her (probably because she is used to her overly sentimental mom - extra emphasis on the mental).

I think this started last night when I was driving home from working on a Saturday (I don't normally work weekends), after working 12 hours of overtime this last week. This was the last week of freedom I have before I go back to grad school this week and I was thinking about how I longed to be home relaxing with my daughter, but instead I was working. We spent the morning walking my school's campus, checking out squirrels, and balancing on fountain walls and I didn't want it to end. So on the way home from dinner with my sister and her family in a nearby town, everyone was asleep except me (since I was driving and all!) and I was passing all of these playgrounds along the way. I then started thinking about how there is such little time left where my daughter will want to spend time with me, go to parks with me, and dance with me. Ugh, see, I am tearing up just thinking about it!

So back to the song... It's not completely my fault! I am convinced that song is designed to make parents depressed. I mean lyrics like "May the good lord be with you down every road you roam and may sunshine and happiness surround you when you're far from home" and "And when you finally fly away Ill be hoping that I served you well. For all the wisdom of a lifetime no one can ever tell" are pretty much designed to bring out feelings of guilt and despair aren't they? That dang Rod Stewart! Who does he think he is anyway? The idea of my daughter "Flying away" just brings images to my mind that I never want to think about. I want to see her grow and thrive, but at the same time, I love the age she is now and wish I could just hold her in my arms and cuddle with her during movies on the couch forever and ever too. I know I will learn to love every phase of her life, but this one in particular has just been so fun and special. I hate to think of it being a distant memory someday. So for now I guess I will just enjoy the time we do have and try to annoy her with my endless photo taking until I have every second well documented so when she is "far from home" someday I can pull out those photographs and cherish the good times we spent together. Hopefully there will be more good times and less of me sobbing about her growing up before my very eyes in her room while she stares at me like I am a crazy person.

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Another little side story. My husband's friend was over today and my husband was telling him how she came downstairs and used the new all-in-one remote he just got to turn on his overly complicated television by herself. So I asked her "What did you watch?" and what did she say? "The news." Not just like "Hey, it was the only thing on" but more like "Uh, the news. I mean I had my coffee and croissant, so what else would I watch?" It was just cute, but really hard to explain in just the right way where someone other than her parents would think is funny. Anyway...

Suspicious of Happy People::

I realized today that I suspicious of overly happy people. I was at my work (a hospital) where an older gentleman smiled at me. In a place of employment where it is common to smile or say "Hi" at every individual you pass in the hallway, normally this kind of friendly behavior is nothing to be suspicious of. Even shy and reserved little old me says "Hi" to perfect strangers all day; however, this particular individual did not just smile but hung in there for a longer, lingering smile - staring almost, with a smile plastered on his face. So what do I do? Instantly the insecure and paranoid person in me dashed into the nearby restroom because I was certain that he must have an ulterior motive for smiling. I checked myself in the mirror because I was positive I had chocolate smeared on my face or my zipper was undone, but of course there was nothing wrong with me, well, ascetically anyway. I mean, clearly I have mental issues if a smile could make me this paranoid.

I know it's strange, but I have always been naturally suspicious and cynical. I am not sure why either, except that my father seems a bit cynical and my mother was the type of person who gave a person a reason to be cynical and suspicious of others. After all, my father always said my mom could sell ice to Eskimos (okay, that's probably not the most PC thing to say, but it's true). My father on the other hand, well, he is the kind of person who is suspicious of Democrats because he seems to believe that they have some kind of ulterior motive for wanting "Hope" or "Change." I discovered this recently when I received an anti-Democrat e-mail featuring trick-or-treaters that said the person was going to "Spread the wealth" of candy amongst those who were trick-or-treating and those who were sitting on their butts at home too lazy to leave the house; therefore, one kid called the man a socialist. I think this was the first time I realized that even my father has faults. One of them is that he votes for people who are incapable of speaking in a competent manner in public, but that's another topic...

Anyway... So, I was thinking about this and realized that we (my sister and I) may be to blame for his cynicism and fear of being used. I remembered all the times where my sister or I would congregate in the hallway where one of us would eventually lose out in a batter where we would be forced to take my dad's shoes to him and say something like "Hey dad, you're the best." At which point he would say "What do you want?" We would then convince him he needed to make a trip to the store for ice cream. This tactic always seemed effective though, but not because he fell for our manipulations as much as he has a weakness for ice cream.

So back to the smiling stranger: He was probably a very nice person, but there is just something about someone who pauses outside of an elevator to smile at someone for a longer than reasonable amount of time, but mostly what I realized is that I am the one with the problem; especially considering the man with the smile is long gone and probably hasn't given me a second thought. Although, he may be out there somewhere wondering why the lady at the hospital darted so quickly into the restroom after he looked at her and smiled. Who knows... The point is that I need to try to look at the world with rose colored glasses more often if I am ever going to be one of those eternally blissful people I am always so envious of in my cohort. I think, no I know, my cynicism is getting in the way of that.

Lessons Learned in 2008: Here's to 2009

Okay, so I have been a negligent blogger the last few weeks, months. How long has it been? Things have been crazy with holiday parties, work, school finals, children, etc. Anyway, for the last part of the year I thought I would summarize a few things I have learned. Well, other than the obvious things like politics make people mean, people don't really research who they vote for, politicians are all seedy swindlers anyway, and wow, our government really doesn't have as big of a clue about what is truly going on with things like, well, the economy and other such matters as one might think. I guess Harrison Ford and James Bond movies have given me an unrealistic idea of how smooth these people actually are, anyway...

1) Even a five-year-old can pick up on the psychotic nature of others and they can be resourceful in helping someone cope with said psychotic disorder.

• I was driving my daughter to meet my husband for lunch when I got a block away from the house and realized I was unsure if I closed the garage door. My OCD kicked in and I was driven by some unseen force to turn the car around and double check my absentminded oversight. My daughter then suggested that in the future I use my cell phone camera to take a picture of the garage door every time I leave the house so that I know for a fact I closed it and then I will not inconvenience anyone with a less than scenic and repetitive return trip just to look at a garage door. Of course, she didn't say these exact words, but I knew.... In all fairness to me, this is not something I do a lot... maybe once every six months... Is that a lot? Maybe it is... Anyway, I have learned through the years that I am not alone with this mental condition as I now have a mini club of people with garage door closure obsessions. Now, a normal person might ask "Would it be that big of a deal if the garage door was up? I mean, what would really happen in the couple of hours you were away?" I am, however, not normal as one might have gathered through these blogs. Ever since I was pregnant with my daughter I have had this obsession with the garage door. I was really forgetful when I was pregnant, so I often found myself turning the car around to see if I had closed the garage door, which brings me to another revelation on my part...

2) I am annoyingly visual.

• In the garage door instance, my issues begin with the mere thought of a garage door being left open and then move into visions of my cute, but really clueless black labs getting out through the inside door leading to the garage that didn't close quite right that has been blown open by the rampant winds in my state and then the dogs getting out of the door at just the right moment where the wind shoves the door open and then running through the streets of my neighborhood like the many other dogs I have stumbled upon through the years . You know, the kind of dogs that actually walk down the middle of the road and are completely oblivious that your ginormous car is right behind them on their heels... So the minute I think of that I just have to go back and check. It's not just the dogs though. My sister and I were talking about our overactive imaginations the other day. Little things set me off: If someone just mentions lasik eye surgery I want to gag or the whole Sarah Palin turkey incident was enough to make me sick. I mean, I know they blurred out the whole slaughter thing, but that doesn't help me think of the poor little turkey who is probably thinking "Hey lady, why don't you stop rambling and get over here and help me! What the heck are you rambling on about anyway???"

3) Something minor I have learned this year: Just because someone has the title "Master" at a hair salon doesn't mean you will get a good haircut. Additionally, just because you pay a lot of money for a haircut doesn't mean it will be good, nor does it mean they will treat you well.

4) The "bee people" video reference from the old Blind Melon song actually comes up more than one would think in normal conversation. Plus, sadly, I still have not discovered mine despite my new grad school affiliation (a reference only my sister and few others may actually comprehend, but it's still a lesson nonetheless!).

5) I am a sympathetic crier and even games that depict the nature of clicks and segregation in schools make me feel bad, even when I am not the one that had to wear the single pick dot on my forehead.

• This one I will explain: There was a demonstration in one of my classes where a girl had us stand in a circle and close our eyes. She preceded to give us each a colored dot on our foreheads and then told us to open our eyes and "Find where we belong." Everyone paired with their groups despite not knowing which color we actually had on our forehead, leaving the single pink dot lady out on her own. : ( Sad day... Anyway, one girl from another group embraced her and brought her in, but I couldn't help thinking how totally hurt I would feel if that had been me! The whole point of the exercise was to show how ostracizing people can feel and to show that we naturally put people in groups even though no one told us to separate by color. She simply said "Find where you belong." My friend "J" had a similar demonstration in one of her classes only they had "titles" or something and one girl's said "Ignore me" or something similar. I guess the girl got really upset, which would totally be me if I were there! This all reminded me of his kid in junior high that was mentally handicapped who would believe anything anyone said. These one boys in gym one time told him it was Christmas and he was so excited! He went around telling everyone "Merry Christmas!" I just felt so bad for him and always had a tendency to sympathize with the outcasts, maybe because I was one myself I guess. I mean, my parents weren't exactly June and Ward Cleaver. Anyway... I have learned this year that being oversensitive is really inhibiting.

6) Cats are not as easy as everyone says they are.

• What's the deal with that anyway? I mean, they need food, water, brushing, and an amazing amount of attention, just like dogs do. So why does everyone say cats are easy, but you never hear people say dogs are easy. Maybe because they are self-sufficient cleaners of themselves? What's the deal with that though? So they clean themselves with their own spit and that makes them easier? Uhhhh, no. Yucky. Anyway... We got a kitten for my daughter and it attacks me every night in my sleep because she wants to "play" but I really just want to, uh, sleep. My daughter is in 7th heaven though, so I will not rock the boat by putting a damper on her "easy pet" dreams.

...and finally:

7) New Year's Eve is only fun when you are with people who actually want to be out on the town, otherwise it is mostly a hostage situation where you are forcing your victims to watch dancers, listen to bag pipes, watch fireworks, yell, and take late night carriage rides through a sparkling city, while you ring in the new year at home by 11:00 and toasting a sleeping kid and a husband who keeps asking "Can we go to bed yet?"

There's more, but I will leave it at this for now...