I used to dance...

So, I have this secret I have kept to myself all of these years: When I was a little girl I wanted so badly to be a prima ballerina. I would spend hours in my room pretending to be a dancer. I would leap and twirl in the secrecy of my room; imagining that I was the beautiful and graceful dancer that girls like myself wanted to be. In fact, I kept dancing secretly long after my ballet classes ceased to exist. I'm not sure why, except that despite my very realistic nature, I still had some glimmer of hope that I would someday be able to live out my dreams.

Well, this weekend I overheard thumps and Ashley Tisdale's version of Kiss the Girl from the Little Mermaid booming from my preschool aged daughter's room. I called my husband over to the door as we both listened at the door to figure out what she could possibly doing behind her Tinkerbell painted purple door, plus we wanted to be sure she wasn't going to hurt herself in her rampage. I secretly knew though... She was now the famous artist dancing and singing her way to stardom. I had always thought I was "different" for imagining this great world of fame with myself in center stage, but maybe not... I mean, this overactive imagination could possibly be a genetic defect, but what I really believe is that every little girl has a dream that we act out in our heads or behind closed doors; hoping that one day these dreams will come to life. Although, somewhere along the line, our dreams are often extinguished or stifled for numerous reasons... Possibly we find ourselves embarrassed by our vanity. Maybe others have made us feel weird that we have such preposterous ideas of who we want to be (not coordinated enough, not smart enough, the list goes on). Sometimes we just grow up and realize the odds are not in our favor. We all have our own reasons for giving up hope for our sometimes outlandish dreams, unfortunately. My own personal story? Well, it is seasoned with a little of all of the above. So... what did we find when we opened the door? She was dancing, of course. She just smiled at us and said "What? I'm dancing!"

Coincidentally, this weekend my friend and I had made plans to take our daughters to see the movie version of the musical Mama Mia (despite the looks of poor judgement I got from others). My daughter and I both loved the movie, but mostly, we loved the music! We went straight from the theater to the store to buy the soundtrack and then straight home to listen to it in her room (her idea). When my daughter was younger her and I used to dance in her room to children's songs by They Might Be Giants and other fun, yet edgy, songs before bedtime. Somewhere along the way we lost that tradition over the last couple of years. I had been so busy with school and she became more interested in Barbie; however, the Mama Mia soundtrack rejuvenated our little tradition once again because not only was the music is so inspiring, but the idea of people breaking out into random song and dance made me want to move to that tiny Greek island where the movie was supposedly set. Imagine how much less violence would exist if the world was full of people who felt compelled to sing all the time. Anyway... Thanks to our new motivation, we spent the greater part of the night dancing in her room...like little girls - her as the little girl she is, and me as the little girl I am at heart.

Marketing your backyard...no seriously.

This weekend my sister's family and mine visited an actual farm that allows visitors to roam freely. In theory, this sounded like a fantastic place for children to play in the grass and sunflower fields, while parents lounged in random hammocks throughout the backyard of the farm owners. There were pony rides (which we didn't see), tire swings, animals to pet, sprinklers to run through, an elaborate tree bridge/fort, and much more; however, as adults, we couldn't help wonder if driving an hour and paying $40 to get into this place was worth the money and time and I am not convinced it was. Don't get me wrong, they had a beautiful yard and the whole operation was a good idea, but it wasn't really carried out the way I had pictured in my head (well manicured lawns, wide open spaces, less clutter...). Despite the fact that the adults felt a little ripped off by the outing, the kids had a great time.

Meanwhile, the adults of the group were wondering why more people don't charge people to use their backyard for makeshift "field trips." Kids think anyplace besides home is a vacation or interesting. You could stay at a hotel a mile away and they would love the adventure. In preschool, I even remember driving around the block in a bus to what everyone else thought was a faraway trek, but was really a park around the corner. I was annoyingly astute at a young age, which really took the fun out of a lot of things for me by the way. This is a quality I see in my daughter as well and wish I could change, for her own good of course. In fact, I remember one of the dads at daycare asking her the name of her stuffed animal when she was two (no joke) and her responding "It's a stuffed animal; it's not real." He jokingly mocked the situation by saying "Geez dude, can't you tell this is a fake animal? Duh?" She never named her animals until recently when she started feeling pressure to do so. So now we have 50 animals named Crystal. If we make animals talk in cutesy voices to her, she always says the same thing: "It's not real." Ughhh. By the way, she is amazingly imaginative, despite the picture this store paints.

Okay, off track again... Anyway, couldn't anyone with a reasonably sized yard start a backyard operation like this farm thing? There were 20 children in the hour we were there, plus parents. So, say $6 per person and one parent per child (at the least), that's $240 per hour! There must be some way for me to pull that off! Although I doubt homeowners would go along with the plan. Plus, you would have to deal with strangers walking through your personal space every weekend; oh and wild animals, which this city girl knows nothing about. Anyway, there's my random thought for the day: How we can all exploit our land to earn extra money for rising gas prices, without leaving the house.

My favorite podcasts for now...

USA TODAY's Popcandy
Amateur Traveler
FM94/9 San Diego (Interviews)
MSNBC Countdown
NBC Today Show
Stuff You Should Know
VH1 The Best Week Ever
Oprah.com's Spirit Channel
New Yorker: Fiction
This American Life

I think I have said this, but I spend a lot of time at waiting around at ballet and other activities, so I use this time to catch up on news or other interesting information. The following podcasts also help keep me awake while driving or during other boring activities, so I thought I would share:

• FM94/9 San Diego (Interviews) - I stumbled onto this podcast after a recent trip to San Diego while driving up the coast to Hollywood, but basically 94/9 seems to be the best station in the country as far as I can tell. The interviews are with some well-known and some not-so-well-known bands (Artists such as Plain White T's, Perry Farrell, and Peter Buck), but they are all really interesting. The DJ who does most of the interviews (Halloran I think??), has a great ability to conduct interviews. I think he talent is mostly due to the fact that he really knows his stuff musically-speaking. I just wish they would keep the live versions of the songs in the podcast; most of them are cut out of the interview. Maybe that has something to do with licensing.
• USA TODAY's Popcandy - The funny thing about this podcast is that Whitney Matheson is really into comics and Battlestar Galactica, which I am not into at all, but yet the entire podcast is really engaging and interesting. The topics of the podcasts are diverse, such as the interviews she conducts with directors, actors, etc. I am often wishing the podcasts were longer than the typical 20-30 minutes. I especially like when she has a call-in session with readers of her blog and you can listen to them talk about the most off-the-wall things.
• Amateur Traveler - I love to travel and this is a great podcast to get you motivated and to find out about places you may have not have even heard about. The host Chris Christensen is also smart and likeable simultaneously.
• MSNBC Countdown - I know it doesn't seem this way, but I don't have a lot of spare time. Countdown is a daily news dose, without all of the commercials and extra fluff stuff that wastes time. The show leans towards the left, but in an educated, well informed way. Plus, the show manages to make news entertaining, which is not always easy to do.
• NBC Today Show - For obvious reasons... mostly diversity of information though
• Stuff You Should Know - Short five-minute podcasts telling you about well, stuff you should know, like How Yawning Works. I like the guy who hosts, he is funny in a weird way.
• VH1 The Best Week Ever - Enough said, and they even have full episodes.
• Oprah.com's Spirit Channel - Corny, I know, but I find that these give me a little extra motivation to "deal."
• Nick Jr's Making Fiends - Okay, at first glance this cartoon is really bizarre, but the more you watch, the more you get sucked into the ongoing saga of Vendetta and Charlotte's one-sided friendship.
• New Yorker: Fiction - I already gave an overly detailed explanation of this; however, I will say I work in, let's just say, a financial type of job and tend to find myself craving more thought provoking activity throughout the day. This podcast allows me to use the more creative side of my brain when I find the time to listen.
• This American Life - A new one for me, this podcast has the ability to grab the listener's attention through short stories from different people, based on a particular theme. One podcast about lack of knowledge talked about a woman who didn't realize that unicorns weren't on the endangered species list, because well, they are not real. She discovered the truth at a keg party with her friends staring blankly at her. I was laughing out loud at some of the people's confessions of stupidity, or maybe just naivety. I would just say to avoid the one called "Life After Death" because it is sad, although very interesting still

A few little things...

• Alright, I called my neighbor and declined her invitation to her "Slumber Party" on Sunday; therefore, my lingerie preferences will continue to be a secret from the rest of my neighborhood,and the world, for the time being (see story below).
  
• My daughter's life keeps my mind whirling on a normal basis, but this week she told me "Drew asked me to be his girlfriend" (keep in mind she is preschool age here). I am not sure how to handle this one because the mom in me wants to say "You're not dating until you're 30, so you better tell him no." Although the "Psychologist" in me says to just blow it off because the more restrictions you put on a child and the bigger deal you make out of a situation, the bigger deal it will become. For the time being I am just letting her chat about daily activities and I am believing this similar to playing house - no big deal. It's not like they are going on dates.

The purpose behind bad reunions:

I was listening to The New Yorker's fiction podcast titled "Reunion" this week, which is about a boy who sets up a brief meeting with his estranged father. In short, the boy was excited about the visit, but the father's knack for belittling everyone he came in contact with and being immensely belligerent (probably due to his drinking) made you wonder if the boy was questioning why he wanted to meet him to begin with. So the boy said goodbye, because he had to catch a train, and the story ended.

At first glance the story doesn't appear to have a point; therefore, I was trying to decide what the point was. I think I figured out that sometimes we long to see a particular person that has been absent from our lives (estranged parents, ex's, friends, etc) and when we actually get a chance to see that person, we rediscover the very reason for their absence to begin with. In this situation, the boy didn't have a choice, but often we break of ties with people, forget our reasoning behind the break-up, and bring them back into our lives; only to discover we were right the first time.

The story hit home because it correlates my own life over the last couple of weeks, but also because everyone seems to face the same situation at some point in their life. For example, my mom recently visited my from the Northwest. After a few days of staying with my sister and driving her completely insane, they both decided to cut the trip short. My mom has issues she needs to work out and my sister is too busy to play "parent" to her own mother. I think there is always this sense of disappointment after something like this happens because we have these expectations of how certain relationships in our lives (especially parent-child) are supposed to be and when they don't turn out that way, we feel a void where something is missing. We also sometimes blame ourselves for things not working out.

This all sounds a little depressing, but I also think these little meet-ups can be a good thing. For instance, in this boy's situation or say an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, after seeing why we left someone behind, we can finally let go of that unrealistic dream of reuniting and get on with our lives. Those "dreams" and unrealistic recollections of souvenirs of the past can hold us back from appreciating the good things in life. I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder, but "Reunions" bring our minds back to reality. So that was my giant epiphany for this week! Let it go...

Cures for insomnia:

I am a total insomniac. I seriously wake up in the middle of the night and just goof around on the internet because I can’t sleep. I think everyone on my mother’s side of the family is, so it must be genetic. Maybe it is what makes my gerbil-like mind babble incessantly on this blog thing. Hmmm… Anyway, I have decided to list some cool websites I have found useful to cure my midnight boredom lately in case anyone who may see this can also cure their boredom:

www.quamut.com - A friend told me about this one today actually. This gives you the “How To” in just about everything under the sun, such as buying a good laptop, or I don't know, knitting.

Hulu.com - My husband loves this site. This site lets you watch TV shows or movies; you just have to endure some commercials in the process.

Pandora.com - My favorite iPod Application as well – A personalized radio

Eventful.com - Tells you about upcoming events based on your location and lets you request certain events that you wish would come to your location.

AskSunday.com - I have never used this, but I saw this on the Today Show and it peeked my interest. This is a virtual personal assistant that costs a minimum of like $19.99 a month for 10 tasks. The reporter from the Today Show said someone even used their personal assistant to wish their mother happy birthday, so then of course I had to check it out. Of course, I would never actually use this site for my mother, but it was tempting! Another person used it to break up with a girlfriend, which just seems wrong. It's a cool concept though.


I also found this Time Magazine's Top 10 Websites when I was checking out AskSunday.com, since it is apparently their #2 site. Here is the article: Time Article. They have some other cool sites on there, such as Lemonade.com and FatSecret.com.

More about hiking with kids...

I have a cold. :( So I am going to just post a letter I wrote to my pastor at church for an assignment he gave us. He told us to "Take a hike" and tell him about it:

Last weekend we took your advice and took the family on a hike. We agreed to meet my sister and her kids in at Golden Ponds Park. The park has paved trails, but is still feels like you are in the wilderness; with waterfalls, cacti, mysterious noises coming from the forest, and more! Although there were paved trails, the hike did not feel any easier than a typical hike due to the heat, the children, and my husband who is apparently not into nature as I am. My sister and I used to hike every weekend before we had kids. She has three children that are six and under and I have one very high-maintenance four-year-old. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter so, so much, but she started whining 20 feet in and never stopped. So, while the trails we used to hike were grueling and steep, this well paved road was as challenging mentally as those other trails were physically.

Before we even left our house we had to get all the gear together, find a time that was agreeable to everyone involved, change the times a millions times, and round everyone up (which was like herding cats). When we left the house our dogs decided they wanted to come, so escaped when we opened the door. They then did that things Black Labs do best when they don't want to budge - laid on their backs with sad puppy eyes. So after everyone was in their correct places, we drove to the trail. Although all of the kids were hot and tired, all four of them had different attitudes. My niece was ambitious, my nephew seemed bored, my daughter complained, and my other nephew has a fantastic disposition and just enjoyed the scenery. Oh, and my husband was convinced that our 1.5 mile hike was six miles and told us that people are smarter in New Mexico (where he is from) because when it is too hot they stay home. My sister and I were content to enjoy nature, but were definitely held back by the 9 million stops between the kids and my husband, so we spent a lot of time waiting on others. In the end we only traveled 1.5 miles for a couple hours, but it felt like a long journey by the time we returned.

To make a long story short, this is what I have learned: Getting started on a journey takes preparation - both mentally and physically. Convincing others to go on the journey with you is not always easy, or even possible. We all travel at our own rate. We all travel with a different attitude. Other people's attitudes can definitely impact the attitude of the people on the same path, but they can also impact the length of time it takes others to reach their destinations. Sometimes we get lost along the way, but generally end up on track. Sometimes you have to carry others who don't have the strength to do it themselves. Usually the journey is worth the effort, despite setbacks. Most importantly: At the end of the day, we tend to enjoy the success of completion when we have had someone along to share in our success.

Therefore, despite the incessant complaining, I am glad I was able to share the experience with my family because I love them!