Fear: Just Do it

Okay, so I was given an assignment by my Brief professor and was a bit anxious about it, so I relayed these fears to my professor in an e-mail. His response: "Please see the following link," which led to an Amazon.com page featuring the book Feel the Fear...and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers. It was a brief counselor's very brief way of telling me to get over myself. I laughed out loud at the e-mail because he is right. I mean , it's not that simple, but he is still right. I mean, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

So with that said... Sometimes the things that run through my mind don't make a lot of sense, but yet they still keep me awake at night. I guess that's what happens when a person has insomnia! Anyway... Recently I was thinking about what someone said about genetics and how everyone on earth at this moment got here because our ancestors were a little bit sharper than the rest of the pack, but then I was wondering where we are headed in a world that is changing to less caveman and club your dinner over the head to a world full of computer techies and corporate meetings. For example, there are a lot of people who are afraid of heights, right? This makes sense because being afraid of high places is your body's natural instinct to not want to fall down and die, but then, how (if natural selection got these people this far) are there people who are not afraid of heights? So I was thinking that these are the people who are willing to take risks and therefore discovered new lands, new foods, new medicines, etc. So you have these people who are here because they didn't fall off a cliff, but also because others were willing to take a chance and lived to tell about it. So with the new world as it is, the number one fear is a fear of public speaking. Is this a relatively new fear? I mean, clearly there were not public speeches being held amongst the cavemen and dinosaurs. Even the cowboys, who may have had public speeches, probably weren't timid about getting up in front of groups, picturing their audience in their underwear. So where did this fear come from? How do we as a collective group develop a new fear, just like that? It happens though. I mean, for a more obvious development of a new fear, look at World War II. People were building bomb shelters, having bomb drills in schools, placing innocent people in concentration camps, etc. It was fear and mostly likely fear that hadn't existed previously, but this had precipitating events that led to these fear. Public speaking fears just sort of popped up somewhere along the lines. I wonder...I bet some historian out there knows the answer, but until then, I just thought it was interesting...

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Another thing that crossed my mind today was how the DJ's on the radio were talking about the website DontDateHimGirl.com. I don't know anyone on this site, but I thought it was interesting hearing all of the callers talk about their previous relationships who they have posted on here. It's kind of sad actually because it kind of tarnishes people's reputations, but at the same time, it makes me wonder how awful these people must have treated these women to want to put this person on here. Anyway, interesting stuff...

What I have learned from podcasts...this week:

As usual I have been busy, but I am able to listen to podcasts while driving or working out, so here is what I have learned this week, which mostly came from Oprah:

According to Rabbi Shmuley:
60% have the television on during dinner
70% of people answer the phone during dinner

• My husband does both of these things and I didn't grow up this way, so we are learning to meet somewhere in the middle. The studies done regarding families who eat at the table are astounding, so this is something that is important to me. I don't think he understands what the big deal is, but he plays along anyway. So Rabbi Shmuley has a campaign to make Friday family night, but I think just about any night will work. We use Friday as family movie night, but Shmuley seems opposed to any kind of TV or movies on this family night as well, so I think I will try for Sunday night instead. Friday is Family Night

The Coupon Mom was on Oprah's podcast as well. Some of the following sites were from a recent episode of the Today Show as well as from the Mighty Mommy podcast, but Coupon Mom's site seems to be mentioned a lot, so I think I will check them out. I haven't yet. Some sites let you register your frequent shopper card to get extra coupons:

• Couponmom.com
• smartsource.com
• coolsavings.com
• coupons.com
• shortcuts.com
• thegrocerygame.com

Another thing I learned about from Oprah was getting rid of waste and reducing the amount of trash you use, which is important when we have limited resources, so one interviewee suggested this site: http://www.freecycle.org/groups/unitedstates/ for getting rid of clutter and allowing others to reuse the things we don't use any more. One book I just read (Maurer: One Small Step that Can Change Your Life) talks about the Kaizen theory. Essentially I learned that one way to make a change is to think small. Due to our biological make-up, human beings are programmed to react with a fight or flight mechanism when they are given a daunting task to do or if they are confronted with anything their brains might categorize as being dangerous. The Kaizen technique recommends tiptoeing around this area of the brain (the amygdala) by using small changes to a new behavior. One particular method or example that stood out for me was the method of throwing away the first bite of a dessert in order to slowly stop eating as much. I also liked the idea of having the waiter put half of your food into a to-go container so you do not even know what you are missing, as well as the resolution exercises; specifically the one that talked about saving a dollar a day, which would eventually total $365 a year! Back to getting rid of waste though... the interviewee on the podcast talked about how you can just start with one thing, such as water bottles. One place to start is by buying the metal canteens from places like Target instead of buying water bottles. I did this a few years ago and have found that I am addicted to my canteen/water bottle now and can't leave home without it. I have also noticed such a huge reduction in my recycle bins just from bottles alone and I don't have to carry those bottles home to recycle anymore (although my work has added bins now too!).

Another guest talked about this site: ToyTips.com. She is a psychology/marketing major, so she has come up with a practical website regarding toys. I haven't checked this one out yet either.

Learning the Ropes:

I have always hated journaling because I always have so much to tell that I feel overwhelmed by the thought of writing it all out, so I just put it off. By the time I get around to finally writing my thoughts down, it becomes a novel. This has happened recently to me with this blog. I have had a ton of really fascinating (well in my opinion at least) things going on, but no time to tell it all, so I have just given up on telling anything! I do want to get my thoughts out though, just so they are not floating around in my head. Here are some...

Recently I went on vacation (which I may or may not talk about later), which was fun, but I also spent a portion of my spring break doing the ropes course to fulfill a requirement for one of my classes. This was a bit of a painful experience for me, but also enjoyable. The first day I was a bit jet lagged from my trip still and I had a poor attitude because of it, but I am hopeful this did not come across too much in our activities. We were able to climb the rock wall, which is something I love doing anyway, so I had fun. I went home though seeing flashes of swirling lights and felt nauseous, so I told my husband I was having a mini-stroke. He was less than sympathetic and told me I was too young to have a mini-stroke, so I resolved myself to simply laying in front of the television and watching kid movies with my daughter. Saturday I was feeling much more enthusiastic, but I still secretly hate get-to-know-you games, so I was actually happy to get to the 25-foot-tall ropes course.

Initially, we started Saturday morning by walking in and having ribbon handcuffs slapped onto us and intertwined with another person and were told to find our way out without letting the cuffs slip off our wrists. We finally figured out the trick (think small circles for anyone who is ever in this situation) and got out. We then had to figure out how to get eight of us across this small terrain by only using some small tools and three beams of wood. This took awhile and I felt really, really ignored by the team, but I was not alone. Here's the thing: I hate these exercises because the most logical people (I am not saying this is me!) are not always the ones in charge (just like life, right?). I am not saying the people who were leading us in the exercise weren't logical, but what a true leader knows is "the more input the better." Too often leaders don't ask they just do. So after we had gotten across the terrain the facilitator fixed the beams in a way that made our long drawn out process seem silly and inefficient. Oh well.

This is kind of how being in this group of classmates feels to me. I feel invisible and ignored a lot, but I am getting kind of used to this (sadly! ) and I am trying to not take it personally. My self-esteem has definitely been knocked down a few notches since I have started grad school! I was a little bit happy at the end of the day when the facilitator actually pointed this out to the group. She said I was "logical" and that things may have been easier if the group had listened to me. Seriously? I don't think anyone has ever stood up for me like that; even if it did make me want to crawl into a hole from embarrassment. I am sort of glad she acknowledged my feelings because I didn't feel as depressed afterwards! Okay, I will stop whining because I sound like a baby. LOL

Anyway... So the actual ropes course was fun, but a little disheartening. I am not scared of heights in the least, so I was really excited about doing the course; yet, when I got up there I was not as (for lack of better words) as good as I thought I would be! I mean, I am not a trapeze artist, but I thought I would breeze through it, but it turns out I have zero balancing skills, so I found myself kind of nervous about falling and slapping my head against a piece of wood. In my defense, it was pretty windy up there as well. I muddled through though and found myself agreeing at the end to jump off the platform on a giant swing, which was the best part! The swing actually makes you feel as though you will be yanked forward off the platform, but the facilitator told me to jump off to the right. I must admit I asked the facilitator like three times "Are you sure that I just jump off here? Really? You're sure? I won't hit my head?" I was never an expert at physics, but she tried to convince me to jump by telling me that the centrifugal force would actually drive me to the right and then lunge me forward and she was right, so it's all good! ; ) That was seriously fun and I would do that again a million times over. After awhile of watching the second group I also had myself convinced I would do the course again as well!

So all-in-all the experience was a good one and I am glad that I did it. I wish I had been there with my sister though because I know her and I would have had a blast and she would have been a huge support. Plus, she is a crazy daredevil!

Bartering:

Okay, so I am the absence of talent in any shape or form (except for the fact that I know how to make a balloon animal or two, I have no special gifts), but I recently heard the coolest idea for my gifted friends out there with special skills...this means you "J" and "sis" and well, pretty much everyone I know except me! I even have some ideas for my mom! See below:

There was a feature on the Today Show recently about how there has been a significant increase in the use of bartering and websites such as CraigsList.com that allow people to buy and sell things, but they have also seen an increase in actually exchanging one service for another. So those who can no longer afford special "treats" like having your nails done, for example, can now exchange a manicure for something like the design of a new website for the manicurist's salon. Another example might be someone who sells a certain product exchanging that product for say having a shelf built in his or her basement for free. How about this one? A person could exchange errand running (for someone insanely busy such as myself) for a product or service they want as well. Everyone can run an errand. So, if you are going to the grocery store, why not offer to pick up your neighbor's grocery's in exchange for him or her fixing that broken lawn mower, or something to that effect? So my friend is a cosmetologist and my sister does website design, so maybe they can get something really good in exchange for those things? The one woman they interviewed talked about how she had exchanged art for plastic surgery, trips to foreign countries, etc. Or maybe they can exchange with one another! Anyway, here are some sites they recommended:

Websites that can aid in bartering as suggested by the Today Show:
youexchange.com
favorpals.com
swaptree.com
friendlyfavor.com

http://www.msnbc.msn..com/id/29407653/

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On a personal note: Things have been good at school and at work (well, for the most part). I have been making some progress on my goal of sleeping researching sleep habits, etc. and by getting only three hours two nights ago. Okay, except for that last part I have been making progress. I went to a party at one of the people in my cohort's house and it was actually really fun. I had to leave early and really didn't want to! Other than that, not much else is going on. My daughter was in the paper for one of the local Dr Seuss reading week's events. That was exciting for her. The new girl started at my work and seems nice. Okay, if I am going to get to bed early I should at least try to eat dinner before 10:00!

Oscar Predictions?

For Oscar night I thought I would talk about Nate Silver. I have been watching Nate Silver on Countdown for awhile now and I am quite impressed by his incredible ability to predict the outcome of almost anything (although he is famous for baseball); especially the results of elections! So I am super curious about how accurate his predictions for the Oscars will be this Sunday! Here's the thing: I couldn't care less about the Oscars and haven't seen like 95% of the movies that are up for awards because I spend most of my time watching movies a five-year-old can watch, but I am actually looking forward to the results simply because of this one man and his incredible statistical analysis skills. So, we'll see!

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Lately...

Since I haven't posted much lately I thought I would just use this opportunity to do a quick recap of what has been going on in my life. I am taking a class right now on performing group-work and one in solution-focused therapy. I got to "play" client a few times now and learned some interesting things about myself that I want to share.

First of all, I was talking to my sister last night about how we were raised with this need to keep big news a secret because we don't want to "jinx" anything. She thinks we learned this from our father because, for example, he bought this fantastic home on the water and didn't tell a soul until the deal was complete and he had one foot in the door. So, with that said, I had this exciting, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity come up for my work recently and I was the same way - I didn't want to tell anyone (well, okay I told me best bud, my sis, and my can't keep a secret to save his life husband who blabbed my surprise to the world practically, but anyway... that's another story!). So a friend at work came up to me and said "I know how you feel, but I sure hope you can get over yourself long enough so you can fully appreciate this moment" which was a red flag to me that I do get so caught up in superstition and worry that I do forget to "get over myself." So that is a new goal of mine, but baby steps because I am still not going to talk about my exciting event, but mostly because I have like zero details at the moment and I would like to wait until things are more concrete.

Second, I have been motivated through a Prochaska book I have been reading to set a bunch of new goals for myself. For example, I learned that my not getting more than 5-6 hours sleep is not totally in my control. I never get off of work on time, I have school (which is in my control), I have all of these errands to do every night, I have a million other things that keep me busy until 11-12 at night; so with that said, a significant part of my problem lies in the fact that (1) I don't get off work on time and (2) I can't ever get my daughter to bed before 9:30. So last night after school I put my foot down (yeah right) and she was asleep by 8:00, which was my new goal. Of course, she is getting over a cold and I had no say in what time she was going to bed because she was exhausted, but what I did learn is that I was able to get much school work more done at an earlier time and thus I was in bed by 10:30. Of course, my new bed time goal is 10:30, which means sleeping, and instead I played with my iPod ordering stuff online until 11:30, but hey, it's a step! Meanwhile, I have developed other goals, such as stop drinking coffee, stop biting my lip when I am nervous, exercise more, and to learn to be more relaxed with clients in sessions. Since I led group this last week, I feel I am at least one step closer to that last goal since I didn't keel over from anxiety. It actually went somewhat okay!

Speaking of which, my group class has been kind of fun actually. We are taking turns leading small groups and because we are new at this whole thing, we get to ask fun questions like "If you could invite five people to dinner, living or dead, who would they be?" It helped that I have a "Book of Questions" to gain some ideas. I love that stuff anyway, so this has been extra fun learning about my classmates. BTW: The Book of Questions is like $6 and it is a blast on road trips because it has you ask questions like "If you could go back in time and change something, but couldn't guarantee things would remain the same, would you?" Or, "Would you accept one million dollars to pull the wings off of a butterfly, would you?" This is a disturbing question that should only be asked of significant others if you are really prepared for any answer you may get. Anyway... I love my particular group as well because they are all super nice. : )

Anything else? Hmmm... Well, we are searching for kindergartens for my daughter and who knew what a project that could be?! Sheesh! One school lets you know in August and asks for a ton of money up front per school that is registered and they make you go in person to each school, all in one day. The other doesn't want you to show up, doesn't charge anything, and lets you register for as many as you want. The third choice had a 19-page application that asked some very intrusive questions. You know they are too intrusive when half the questions they ask you don't even know the answer to (That's a long story)! So, the whole process of choosing "the right" school has been challenging to say the least. I moved around a lot growing up, so I want to find one place for my daughter and keep her there as long as possible, but there is so much to consider: International Baccalaureate schools vs. charter schools, core knowledge vs. public, sports vs. multi cultural curriculum, part-time vs. full-time, base camp, uniforms, location, money, Smart Boards, computer labs, libraries, after school care, after school curriculum, after school arts, ratings on GreatSchools.net, where my daughter's best friend will be going, waiting lists... AGGGHHH! Plus, keep in mind, all of this has to be done a year in advance! I know it sounds silly, but seriously, I went to 12 schools by the time I graduated and none of them felt like home to me because everyone else had a history with one another.

So lastly, on a political note - what the heck is up with that Washington Post cartoon with an ape, regarding the stimulus? Are they for real? You can't tell me that Travis the chimp really has any direct correlation to the stimulus. I mean clearly that is racist and should have never made it past the editor's desk - not in a million years. Then they print an apology, but it was more of an apology a little kid would give to another on the playground after their parent forced them into it. I mean, these are educated and worldly people so they must have, at some point, thought that someone might think they were making a direct reference to the historical racial depiction of apes being similar to African American people, right? So let's see: The artist and the editor saw an ape, violence, and politics all tied into one cartoon and felt that was appropriate for their readers? Really? I think someone needs to recheck the tactfulness filter in their brain. It's just sad.

Okay, enough rambling for now!

Warm Fuzzy Story

Wow, I have been really inattentive to this blog! The thing is... I thought I would have more time this semester because I dropped a class, but I actually seem to have less! I think it's because my Brief Counseling class is so brutal. I mean I love it, but it's a lot of work. For example, I have to read two full-size books in addition to my four other text books for just that class. Then we have journals, article reviews, etc. Anyway, enough whining! ;)

Warm Fuzzy news of the day: I thought for my post I would share some news I heard on the Rachel Maddow show Wednesday (Feb. 18, 2009). Rachel talked about a great moment in high school basketball: Two Wisconsin high schools (DeKalb High School and Madison High School) recently played a game against one another (which is fairly normal stuff of course). The catch of this story comes when one of the players from Madison showed up for a game to play, but he wasn't on the roster because he had lost his mom to cancer that same day so, well, obviously no one expected him to show up. The penalty for someone playing the game without being on the official roster would be two free throws for the other team (DeKalb). The other team decided they did not want the technical fouls, but the ref decided that these must be taken. So what did DeKalb do? They had their player Darius McNeal purposefully botch the shots in order to not get the extra points against Madison. How great is that? See, there are decent people still left in the world!

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