I can't let it go...

Okay, so last Saturday my sister and I decided to load up the kids (hers and mine) and take them to this swimming pool paradise, complete with tubing water slides, at the fantastic gym my sister belongs to. My mother was in town and we thought she would want to spend time with the grand kids, but that is another story. I normally hate swimming because it involves getting into a suit (which I hate and you will see why below) and being cold (which I hate), but I gave in and jumped in the water anyway (okay, I slowly dragged myself in). So, after awhile I felt comfortable enough to relax a bit and that is when I was emotionally ambushed! Alright, I may be exaggerating a bit, but an 11-year-old-ish kid came past me and said "Crap you're white" and then just wandered off! It was like a mental hit and run! So I know I am pale, okay? Does saying it out loud make him feel better somehow? What was really upsetting is that I have been in the sun a lot more this summer and had somehow fooled myself into thinking I was "tanner" than usual...I guess not.

Afterwards, I was talking to one of my most favorite people in the world about the "incident" (Hi "J"). I was telling her how a coworker recently told me that she loved Nicole Kidman's porcelain skin because it was "so beautiful" and that my first thought after he told me that I was "white" was "I wonder if Nicole has to put up with this kind of thing." She pointed out to me that Nicole probably doesn't go to the beach and probably wraps up when she does go. She is probably right, but I'm still convinced that Nicole's paleness is ignored by 11-year-old boys because she is famous, well and gorgeous! Besides, this particular friend looks about half her age and has this beautiful naturally "Tan" (her adjective) skin that makes her look good in anything. You know, it's difficult to receive sympathy from someone who always looks good because it's hard to believe them. It's like "No, no, I'm sure you look good!" but what she is really probably thinking is "Well, you are really, really pale. Do you even know what the sun looks like?" Don't get me wrong, I adore J and she is a saint because she listens to me ramble, but I know she is just being nice, which brings me to the point of the story: For some reason I cannot let go of insecurities, despite what anyone says. A thousand people could say something nice, but I think girls in general always hear the one bad comment and hang onto it forever! Why is that? I actually heard an interview with Madonna once where she said something similar. So maybe celebrities do think the same way. Maybe Nicole Kidman is just as insecure as I am in a bathing suit! Okay, well, let's not get carried away. Anyway, there you go, that is why I hate swimming and always have. I have always been noticeably pale and people have always been brave enough to point it out to me, even strangers. Sigh...

One thing I should say before I go: I have always known about the link between sun exposure and skin cancer, so have always been pretty cautious about not getting too much sun. I heard a report on the Today Show recently about the increase in malignant melanoma for women, so maybe pasty, sunless skin should be the cool new thing to have? Therefore, I should let go of my insecurities and strut my stuff at the beach to encourage an awareness about skin cancer. Who knows, it may help with skin cancer rates! See, I could be doing some good for society and "getting over myself"all at the same time.

(Okay, see what goes through my cluttered mind that I have been just keeping bottled up each day? It's a wonder I get so much done! ;) Thank goodness for blogs! I'm liking this. It's very therapeutic!)