Get Over it...

I know I have said this before, but I love the "This American Life" podcast, which is a podcast that features real-life stories that fit into a designated theme. The theme this week was titled "Break-up"where they interviewed several individuals with different stories. I should first say that while the initial girl in the interview said that everyone understands the pain of a break-up, I really haven't experienced that pain. I look back to the relationships before I met my husband, and for the most part, I am indifferent. This is going to sound heartless, but I never really cared that much about my past trysts back then. Things always seemed mutual by the end and we were always pretty mature about the whole thing. I mean, if I were breaking up with my husband now I would be devastated, but previously I never allowed myself to get that emotionally involved. They didn't know everything about me like he does. I never really wanted to experience that heartache and when I especially liked someone, I kept them at bay. I would try to act nonchalant, although probably not as successfully as I believed in my mind. Of course, this process did not come without downfalls, don't get me wrong, but it was my process at the time...

Okay, clearly I have issues and I know that (and wait, seriously, who doesn't?), but after watching my own parents split in Junior High after a very overwhelming break-up of their own, I just couldn't handle it. Even through high school my sister and I were dragged through the details of their rocky relationship, long after they split and it sucked. Although they didn't mean to, they taught me that relationships generated drama and trouble. So it's no wonder I wasn't ready to delve into that type of thing. Of course, I wasn't an unfeeling robot and would always find myself getting sucked into some kind of crush, but I tried to keep a distance.

Even with my husband now, I kept trying to give him the brush off when we met. My sister had forced me to go to this birthday party at a club and my husband (or future husband) was there with some friends. I should also interject that I hate clubs, so I never went to them. Greasy, sweaty guys all mackin' on me, yuck. So my husband asked me to dance like 9,000 times and 8,999 times I said no- mostly because I have no dancing ability whatsoever, but also because I wanted no part of a relationship at that point in my life; plus, he was a bit of a gnat that wouldn't go away and I hated that. Eventually a Depeche Mode song came on that I loved and I gave in. So I danced to Depeche Mode, slaughtered the Electric Slide in another round of dancing (no seriously, if there were dancing police I would have been arrested), and the rest is history...I was cured of myself and I am grateful to this day.

So, back to the break-up podcast...yes, there is a point to all of this. I loved this podcast because it gave me insight about break-ups, but also, I think it would give anyone insight to getting over a break-up. For example, after hearing a little girl talk about her parent's divorce, I learned that when parents break-up (despite the awareness that it is a total necessity like in my parent's case) the break-up can still have a major impact on the child's future relationships. This particular little girl was interviewed some 20 years later and still seemed affected. It was like she wanted permission from her parents. This gave me such great knowledge about children and divorce. Think of how many of us have gone through our parents divorce and not one person offered counseling or to even talk about the stuff we dealt with; it just wasn't done.

Another girl wrote a song about her break-up in order to get over her lost love, but the madness doesn't end there! She even went to Phil Collins for advice on how to write a good break-up song. Phil Collins, by the way, seems incredibly nice. He knows the pain of a break-up and proved to be helpful in the song writing process, possibly in the girl's therapeutic process as well (he would make an excellent counselor!). The song turned out great! I think this would make for fantastic therapy, which may even be a good recommendation when counseling patients - ooohhh, especially teenagers! They should really open some kind of studio where normal people can record songs. Most songs do seem to be sad, love songs, like this girl pointed out. Speaking of...this girl (the Phil Collins girl) also offers an extensive look at break-ups and even an interesting story about how a Bonnie Raitt song was written.

So basically the entire podcast was really funny, but it also seemed to have some cathartic value to people going through the break-up process, or even to those who aren't. For instance, I learned that perhaps I am not some inhuman and unfeeling monster, as much as I simply had the means and know how to recoup from those bad experiences that left me sad or maybe I just simply forgot how sad I was at the time. I mean, there are still people I wish I could talk to, but I just don't feel that twinge of pain that others talk about. I am glad that I went through those experiences, but I am equally glad that they had to come to an end; otherwise I would have never met my husband and I wouldn't have had my beautiful daughter. I am such a firm believer in the whole "things happen for a reason" philosophy; although I do understand how hard that concept is to grasp when you feel your heart has been ripped out and torn to bits by a seemingly uncaring ex or maybe I have just been lucky... knock on wood. ;)

Some good break-up type of songs that came to mind when writing this. There are just too many to even list. Some may not even be break-up songs, but they sure sound that way...

The Cure: Boys Don't Cry
Green Day: Good Riddance
Simple Minds: Don't You Forget About Me
Mirah: The Garden
Plain White T's: Hate (I really don't like you)
Ting Tings: Shut Up and Let Me Go
Violent Femmes: I Hope You Get Fat (Actually they have a few good ones: Breakin-up, a Boy George cover of Do You Really Want to Hurt Me, etc...)
The Smiths: Unhappy Birthday
Carrie Underwood: Before He Cheats
Alanis Morresette: You Oughta Know
Fiona Apple: Sleep to Dream
Sinead O'Conner: Nothing Compares to You
Brandi Carlisle: Turpentine

Yeah, I could go on forever here. No wonder people aren't able to get over lost love! Possibly though, there are just so many other people who have discovered the value of song writing to get over someone.