Unnecessary Competition

For class, we have to practice counseling tactics with another student. I have been a little stressed because I couldn't think of any ideas of problems to talk about with my classmate, until now...

Okay, so I work with this person that is extremely competitive. I am not sure what it is about me, but I seem to bring this out in people, but I really see it in this person. Today for example, I got this brownie from my corporate office that was wrapped in crumpled tinfoil and I have this serious germo-phobia (what's the technical term for that?) about mysterious food. I even keep my cereal in the refrigerator. I think it might stem from my upbringing and how my parents didn't really seem to eat leftovers even. My parents also grew up in a really poor working class neighborhood in Detroit and my dad is scared of rats; the stories of which may have something to do with my fears of mystery foods and pot lucks (okay, I am insane, I know!). Anyway, it was a really poor place where my parents lived, like something out of 8 Mile - that movie with Eminem.

I remember actually feeling sad for the kids I saw walking to school when I was visiting one winter ("visiting" is another long story for some other time). They didn't have enough clothes to cover themselves even though it was icy cold outside. One image is embedded in my mind to this day. It was this boy with a skimpy tan coat, who was pulling on the edges of his sleeves to try to cover his hands to keep them warm. I also remember my grandmother and the other neighborhood elderly women talking about "dumpster diving" and my grandmother using food stamps to get groceries. After hearing about dumpster diving, I always wondered where my "prepared" food came from. I was suspect of anything made by someone else - for example Potlucks! I also worked at a hotel where mice would get into the breakfast foods because where I live the mice are just everywhere and when the construction workers plow the corn fields to build, the mice run into the nearest building. Yuck! I also knew a guy who worked for the health department who brought in a photo album once that featured pictures of local restaurants that failed health inspections. Double yuck!

Anyway, so my coworker made some comment about how I didn't want the brownie that kind of sounded like I was weird because of my germo-phobia and keep in mind, I didn't ramble like entire story to my coworker. I just said that I think it had something to do with my parents growing up poor and my dad's fear of rats that he passed onto me. I don't know why I am the way I am, but this seemed like a sufficient answer to get her off my back. So what does she say? "I bet my husband was a lot more poor than your parents." Huh? Why and when did this become a competition? I don't get it. I wanted to say that, but I figured it wasn't a good idea to call her out on her unnecessary competitiveness about who's relative was poorer. Who cares? Anyway, what else can I do but ignore her? Every time I talk to her for any length of time I get frustrated at her eagerness to beat me out on bizarre things like this morning when I said "Wow, we got a lot of work" and she said "Oh, I knew we would" in a tone like she knew this before anyone else. Who didn't? It was a holiday Monday and our business day is Tuesday, so Wednesday would naturally be our busiest day this week.Or how she knew someone was out sick first. Again, who cares??? If she wants to be smarter than me, by all means, she is more than welcome to it. There are no prizes at my work for the smartest person or even the best guesser of daily workloads, but if it makes her feel better, then okay. I just wish she would leave me out of her weird compulsion to be the best because I just don't care. I just want to get the job done and go home.

A couple of weeks ago she even said something snide to a supervisor about me in front of me, as though she was kidding, but I knew better. I asked a friend at work what her deal was and she told me that I was intimidating because I have goals and ambitions. This makes no sense at all, but I went with it because it made me feel better. Now that I think about it, what the heck sense does that make? Could that be the real reason this lady is so competitive? Doesn't that seem counterproductive? Ughhh...

So, in the end, I didn't go with this dilemma for my classmate to work on with me. I actually went with a similar one from this specific coworker where she mentions every single day how she was home with her kids when they were young, as though I should be too. She said something when I first met her about me working while my daughter is in daycare and I explained that I work because my husband works for a small company that doesn't have health insurance. She even says stuff like that for new moms at the hospital or friends that stop by with babies, such as "Oh, I am so glad you are able to stay home with him because that is so important." I wonder if she knows how bad it makes me feel. So one day I told her that my mom stayed home and we resented her for it because we were dirt poor to the point where my sister couldn't even go on a $3 field trip without her teacher paying for it.

I feel it is important that my daughter have the opportunity to go on field trips, go to classes she wants to take (ballet, etc), phonics, tickets to the children's series at the theater, a pass to the Nature and Science Museum, have the socialization and education, that daycare offers, and more. To me, hanging out with me all day would be nice for about a week, but then she would probably go stir crazy and would benefit more from experiencing the rest of the world - culture, people, drama, etc. I know because when we are on vacation she is pretty much ready to see her friends and do some serious interacting after a week. Plus, I believe adults need interaction with others or they may go crazy, church and PTA just wouldn't be enough for me. I am going to school to rectify the longer hours than I would prefer, but in the mean time my classmate did help me figure out that this is what is right for me and this is my belief about how my daughter should be raised. It has nothing to do with anyone else or their "good" opinions on parenting.