Inherently good? Can politics and good be used in the same sentence?

A couple of nights ago in my Counseling Development class my classmates were talking about how they have realized over the last week that people are inherently good. They said even when you think of the worst person you can imagine, they have at least one speck of goodness within them. Even at this point I kind of disagreed, but kept it to myself. Later, as I was watching the Obama speech, I was talking to my husband about how I just don't know if I believe this philosophy to be true. There are different schools of philosophy that argue both sides of this coin and I think either cynicism or life experience has led me to believe that, like any generalization, you just can't lump everyone into that profile. My husband was surprisingly in favor of the mass generalization of everyone being naturally good, which is weird because he is generally more cynical than I am; however, I sometimes think he purposefully chooses the opposite side of me just for sport. ;) He thinks that even Hitler must have had a twinge of guilt - I disagree and any guilt he would have felt seems like it would have been derived from a selfish nature.

On a somewhat related note I just finished John Grisham's book the Last Juror, which takes place in the 70's and focuses a great deal on African Americans' lives in those years. Having the narrator describe his small town where there were two cafes, one for blacks and one for whites, makes me realize how cruel our society was to a group of individuals who did nothing to deserve such treatment. It would be one thing if you said well, that was just after slavery and they were making progress at that point, but let's be honest here - slavery had ended some 100 years prior to that. Most of the founders of slavery were long gone at this point in time; yet society was stilling pulling much of the same crap. Besides, we as a society always dismiss slavery as some Neanderthal event in some past life in which the people did not know better, but these weren't cave men enslaving other human beings. We're talking about dignified men who dressed in suits and women who decorated themselves in lavish dresses and lived in extravagant homes. In other words, these were people that were educated and knew better. They knew the difference between right and wrong just as well as we do now - well most of us. So when these people continued to treat people this way, were they "good" so to speak? It's hard for me to relate to this behavior.

While the Last Juror isn't the most gripping novel, it has definitely been thought-provoking. The author describes a woman who was the first black woman in her county to register to vote and was the first black woman to be on a jury. She was discouraged from registering to vote by the local white people who didn't realize she was an educated person who realized what they were doing to deter her. Although I realize this is fiction, I can't help but think of how there were real-life people at some point who were the first of their counties to vote, to sit on a jury, or whatever else. The pride they must have felt being the first to take a step forward, but the anger they must have felt of not being able to have done it sooner. The weird thing is that you never hear about anger from these groups, well I don't anyway. I know I would have been angry; I still do feel angry whenever I realize as a woman I am being held back because of my gender or being told the world isn't ready for Hilary Clinton because she is a girl. Excuse me? Instead of focusing on her issues and her platform, people ranted on about her array of pantsuits and how ugly they were. I can't remember the last time I heard about McCain's clothing choices. Who cares? Even Seinfeld made fun of her clothes when I saw him live in Denver.

So as I was watching Obama, despite the absence of any racial message from him, I was wondering how he feels about making history - about taking a huge step forward for a group of people that have been shoved a million steps back over the years. He has not focused on these issues, but I know these thoughts must be going through his head. I wonder if he is happy, scared, concerned, anxious, or maybe even a little overwhelmed by the pressure of being a spokesperson for two hundred or more years of people who have been told they "can't" - men and women, black and white, young or old. I wonder if he believes people are inherently good when Denver has been bustling with more security than I have ever seen and dealing with threats of KKK members and other lunatics. I get sad thinking of his poor girls who may not even know how idiotic and atrocious people can be and the danger their dad faces. I am not sure I would put my daughter through that. He is already so much braver than me just by getting up in front of 80,000 people and giving a speech (which I would never do!). He was as cool as a cucumber!

So, what's the right answer to the question of innate "goodness" in humankind? I don't know. I don't even know how the majority feels about this issue. I asked a relative who works in law enforcement and he feels that a lot of that kind of thing has to do with people's surroundings. So, does that mean he doesn't believe it is innate? I have to seriously give the whole "inherently good" thing some thought because as this point, I am just not sure. I am not trying to be negative, but I think in order to help people, we need to be able to understand their true capabilities. Maybe I have to believe people can all have some goodness in order to believe they can all be helped? Hmm... maybe I just changed my mind? Ughh? Or maybe it's all about the surroundings and less about what is inside of people? Also, what happens when one has to factor religious thoughts into the whole concept. Does God make people good? What about the people that aren't then? What happened to them? See my frustration? I think I need to do what my professor keeps telling us: Get out of our minds and think from a place deeper inside ourselves. Easier said than done!

Anyway, in the mean time...while my preferred candidate lost (I mean, come on! We need to reform health care!), I am happy to step up and be proud of the other person who wants to see a change - who embodies change by simply accepting his nomination; however, I do have to say that I would really like to see a specific plan of action in the next few months because candidates are always spouting these lofty goals without backing them up. I am hoping this will be different. The thing is, as with Hilary, the more they promise and the less they follow through, the more likely the other side will blame this on their gender or color. Just like when Hilary was caught crying during her campaign and people said "See, women are weak." These groups have more to prove. So I hope Obama can rid our country of foreign oil dependency in 10 years and all of his other goals, but that seems lofty even for an environmentalist. I don't want this promise to go down in history like Nixon's promise to win the war against cancer some 30-40 years ago. We all know how well that worked. : ( Obama is not Nixon though; I mean, for one, he is a democrat and so already his party has a better track record of improving the economy.

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Otherwise in my life, last night's classes went really well. Although I swear I have to bring tape for my mouth because I am too quick to answer questions when no one else will. I always feel bad for the professor to hear that awkward silence of asking something and to not hear from anyone. Not that she cares; she is probably used to it. I have this one professor who is most likely the coolest professor I have had. She has this wild, surfer girl look and an attitude that matches...almost. She is a PhD. student, so she is like a surfer girl with an abnormally large brain. Anyway, she is cool and is making ethics actually seem like an interesting subject. I have taken several ethics classes, etc. and usually I am trying to hold my head up to keep from nodding off and her class just isn't like that!

In my other class we are practicing our skills, but it is tough for me because it involves talking about personal issues face to face with someone. It's weird... I can ramble on here to no one in particular for hours, but have the hardest time talking about this stuff in person. I am learning though and I am breaking down some of my walls in the process.

Awesome Vacation Ideas

Amateur Traveler (a travel podcast) always gives these "Internet resources" at the end of their show. Well, yesterday I was listening to an episode (can't remember which one, maybe Dominica?) and the host mentioned a site called VocationVacation.com where you can work at your dream job (at a hefty price) for your next vacation. Okay, so I will probably never take advantage of this, but the site is so fun and addicting to browse through! I mean, imagine being a Broadway Producer for your next vacation and imagine telling your coworkers and friends about it! My sister does graphic arts and animation and I discovered one job where you can actually be an Animation TV Producer for a week! Let's see... there's Bed and Breakfast owner. How fun would that be, for about a half a second. I used to work in hotels and it's not as fun as it would seem. There's Boat Captain, Choreographer, Comedy Club Owner, Flight Instructor (this seems a little unnerving), Symphony Computer, Wedding Coordinator, and on and on... Oh and for the guys out there - Sports Broadcaster! How cool of a gift would that be for a husband or boyfriend??

You can even be a photographer, which was one of the cheaper ones. This made me think actually...if you have an exciting job and you are your own boss, you could easily do something like this! I wonder if you could just contact this site and let them set it up. My job is not exciting enough to offer to people, but this would also be a practical way to get your foot in the door somewhere - like a mini internship. Anyway, I just thought this was incredibly cool. Thanks to Chris Christensen of Amateur Traveler for always offering the coolest intel on travel! ;)

The Four Minute Story:

Recently I have discovered through a roundabout way the Moth website, which is essentially a story telling platform. Now, I know I have said this before, but I love stories of all kinds (The New Yorker, This American Life, etc.). People are just so creative and each story inspires more creativity, which leads to more stories. I especially love to hear the real-life stories on the Moth because even real stories told by actual people are told in a way that is both humorous and creative. There is one story specifically that comes to mind by Ed Gavagan. He is a New Yorker that experiences a stabbing, but somehow turns the event into an amusing learning experience. Basically, Ed is able to see the silver lining during a horrific event that seems to get worse and worse as the story goes on. I have been thinking a great deal about stories such as this one. We all have our "story" that defines us, while everyone around us has their own story. All of these stories are going on 24/7 with millions of people all over the world and their stories are intricately intertwined with the people around them until they all eventually lead back to us.

Last night I had the first class of Foundations of Counseling where we (the class) sat in the dark for a period of time where we were expected to meditate. First of all, this was a little surreal because I couldn't help but think about how the graduate classes in the Physics or Information Technology department probably don't find themselves using valuable lecture time sitting in the dark in silence. With that said, even in the dark while everyone was quiet, you could almost hear the noise of our minds chatting away. Now I have some experience with meditation because it has played a big role in my ability to fall asleep at night, but this felt strange. I think it was the nerves, but also hearing people talk about their experience meditating in a class was a little weird. One part of the exercise was to "locate our inner counselor" and to "anchor" that counselor. One girl said that she was having a hard time anchoring her counselor because "It was moving around" so she felt frustrated. What does that even mean? It made me think I was doing something wrong because I wasn't being so literal in my inner-exploration. I guess sometimes it just seems a little "out there" to me. All in all, the experience was truly relaxing and without a doubt it was a learning experience.

After this period of meditation, we were paired in two's and told to tell our "story" for four minutes, but the catch is that one person had to be silent. I had no idea how long four minutes was until I had to talk about my life story for four minutes. I also had a hard time being silent while someone else told their story for four minutes because, culturally, it seemed rude to not respond. I was not the only one who felt this way though. I think we all felt the same. I know, we should be able to draw a life story out for four minutes, but we were with strangers and so this is when I figured out that we all have two versions of our life story. We have the long version and the short version. We have the "I don't want to get too involved" version and the "lay it all out there" version.

So for a class of strangers, I believe we all gave the short version, which is sad because I find everyone's story to be so fascinating. I think we could all get up on the stage at the Moth and tell a really interesting story about ourselves that would catch people off guard. I mean, no, we haven't all been stabbed and left for dead with two collapsed lungs, but we are all so different and incredible in our own unique way. I think we should be proud of that, but instead we are all a little timid because we think others don't care. I wish we could all just "lay it out there" for everyone to hear. Then maybe we would all realize how much we have in common?

What Secret: It's just plain old positive thinking...

Yet another "Dear Diary" entry:

Today is my first day back to school, grad school nonetheless. I have been extremely anxious because I have felt like I will be in over my head for some time, but even more so after hearing at a BBQ for my cohort that most people are going to be part time. They just don't feel they can handle the workload even though most of them don't even work. Hmmm... Nothing personal here, but I feel like these people don't give themselves enough credit. I have always worked full-time and gone to school (almost always full-time with that as well). So anyway - quit the whining, ya know??? Anyway, in addition to my anxiousness, I have had the hardest time getting the correct materials. This is a big deal to me because I am a total control freak (at least I am willing to admit it!), but I am also the anti-procrastinator. So when I pick up my books, I expect them to be there that day, when they say they will be there, and I expect that they will all be included. I would also appreciate a smile and a thank you; yet, that was not the case this week, so had to go back three times just to catch them open and when I got home I discovered one class was missing (thanks to my friend who suggested I check them to be sure - thanks J). After searching three stores in town (one very sweet girl tried telling me that my class probably didn't have a book. I wish! It's ethics though, so I wasn't buying that. I have had like 3 ethics-type of classes at this point and they always involve a lot of reading). I found out from my professor that they ordered them late and that they wouldn't be in for awhile, which is really funny because everyone at the BBQ said they got all of theirs - ha!

So, at my friend "J's" suggestion I tried remembering the principles I learned from the Secret (thanks to Oprah). Okay, I should interject here that I am not some crazy hippy guru person and that the Secret is not sacrilegious - it's just good old positive thinking. I wish they had chosen some more standard representatives for the book though because I can totally see where they would come across a little Heaven's Gate-ish. Basically though, the book is the same stuff that trusty old Norman Vincent Peale preached back in the early 50's. Basically we were created with a magnificent amount of potential and it is our job to live up to that and expect that from ourselves. I kind of like that idea.

Essentially the book guides you into doing things that you should do to begin with. I don't even know that it's really the "universe" making things happen, or just plain old common sense. If you define what you want, you have a better chance of getting it. I mean, if you don't know what you want, how could you get it? Plus, if you are positive all of the time, of course the world around you will be more positive. It's easier for people to be nice to someone who has their head held high, smiling, and being generally approachable, right? It does seem odd that when I try to do what the Secret says and think of free coffee or a good parking space, I generally get those things because we have an incredible parking problem where I work and I get free coffee a lot! Maybe it's just that I know a lot of really nice and generous people and after spending enough time looking for a space, eventually you will get one. Alas, my cynical nature sort of feels that it's just a coincidence, but still, free coffee is free coffee!

Additionally, the Secret forces you to focus on the positive instead of the negative things. So if you are trained to notice only good things, you will think the world is a good place to be. Of course, you don't want to be naive, but dwelling on the things in the past that weren't great wont do anyone any good. Basically, you should get over it and move on (as I sit here dwelling - LOL). Dwelling keeps you floating in this sort of stagnant cesspool of negativity. You have to wade your way towards the light. Furthermore, the Secret tells you to envision yourself with the things you want and then to just forget about them without worrying whether or not they will come. I feel this works because when we stress out, we become negative and because the more we meddle with things, the more we muck things up for ourselves. It's like my books: So, if I just said "Okay, I will wait until class starts to see if they are here. I mean, I can't make them appear when they just aren't here" but instead I wrote my instructor and she wrote back, blah, blah, blah. I could have just left it alone and it would have worked out fine. Then again, and this is where the control freak comes out again - I now know the book will be here Friday, while before I wouldn't have been able to just simply forget about it or I would have never known where the heck it was. Sometimes it's nice to let someone else do the prying though. Anyway, now I can just forget about it until Friday.

I also feel that if you expect good things to happen, you are more likely to take chances. For example, I never play the lotto because I never win anything. My husband, however, always wins stuff, but then again he plays. He also gets stuff for free all of the time. People are always throwing in extra stuff on our to-go order or giving us discounts on stuff because... he asks. Who knew? I never ask because I just assume they will say no. He once called the cable company and said that he wanted a lower bill, so they gave us a great deal on HBO and other stuff, which lowered our bill even though we actually got more stuff. So essentially, it's all about assuming good things will come to you and that you deserve them. Or how about this one: The Secret tells you that food doesn't make you overweight, you make you overweight. I think this works because it tells us to take responsibility for ourselves, instead of blaming food. I know that when I say I am going to eat better, I can't focus on anything else but what I am missing out on - cookies, Frappuccino's, etc. I also know that one day I will look in the mirror and like how I look and the next day, I shudder at the thought of mirrors; yet, I look the exact same as I did the day before. It's all mental.

Anyway... I do try to remember the principles when I can see myself head towards the negative side of the street. I am not a naturally "head in the clouds" kind of person, so I do have to remind myself a lot. Today has been one of those days. I really want to go in with a positive attitude because I don't want to have a nervous breakdown from the stress, but the morning was a little stressful. I was running late this morning because I couldn't figure out what to wear. I almost hit a squirrel on the way in and did the typical stupid move by swerving into the next lane to avoid a hyperactive animal that always seems to run in front of cars. Are these animals suicidal or just too hyper to think? Luckily I didn't hit anything, but I did realize the error of my ways. On a side note: I heard on Stuff You Should Know that car manufacturers were trying to design a smart car that will think for you in a situation like this and they say basically "Bye Bye Squirrely" because the smart car realizes that it's either the squirrel or a car accident (poor squirrel). Anyway, then I get to work and the computers are down, but not everyone's just mine and a few others. It's end of the month and I have a financial job, so this was added stress I don't need (again, I am a control freak). So I spent the first hour waiting to see if IS would call me back and then I tracked down an free one in Admitting, which happens to be a supervisor's who is on vacation. Hopefully he doesn't get mad.

As crazy as the Secret sounds, it works. It really does. Again, it is more about your mental frame of mind and less about being a genie and making things appear; at least that is what I am going with. It's also about being "conscious" and aware of our thoughts and surrounding, which I feel is what all of those self-help books are about. We are more likely to screw things up when we aren't thinking about what we are doing. Think about working or driving - we can't do those things well when we are in La La Land. For me, it's just a matter or reminding myself to wake up and snap out of it. It's also about reminding yourself about what things in your life you are grateful for, of which I have a lot. So now, I am pulling out the Secret principles or whatever other self-help guru stuff is files in my brain and I am really going to try to forget about my whole insane morning. I hope, no I know, the rest of the day will be a great one! ;)

The GWDC?

Okay, I have never heard of such a group, but I had to laugh at this when I heard it on MSNBC Countdown: The Global Warming Deniers Committee had to cancel their last meeting because of Faye, the tropical storm in the Southeast. I loved the irony and obviously Olbermann did as well. :) I guess they figure it is normal. Hmmm...

http://thinkprogress.org/2008/08/18/global-warming-deniers-forced-to-cancel-meeting-due-to-tropical-storm-fay/

Greasy

Okay, so my daughter watched High School Musical and loved it. Before anyone judges, I don't think there is one single kiss in that entire movie; mostly it is just corny singing and dancing numbers (and corny actors, no offense to them). The kid loves to sing and dance, what can I say? Anyway, so I thought "Hey, I should rent Grease because she would love all the singing and dancing!" Plus, I am convinced there are all the same story, which are all a direct copy of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliette. No, seriously they both even have balcony songs. I mean, I guess it's the classic love story - opposites attract - rich/poor, cool/nerdy, famous/wall flower, etc.

So we rented Grease (by the way this movie was made in 1978, so keep that in mond) and besides the fact that the movie made me feel old since what used to seem exciting and like the best movie ever, really paled in comparison to some of today's musicals, such as Hairspray, Chicago, and Mama Mia - oh, and dare I say High School Musical? I also noticed how dorky the once "cool" characters seem now, especially Danny. Man, I used to think he was so cute when I was like eight, but now I think he just looks greasy. Don't get me wrong, I still love John Travolta! Mostly though I realized exactly how raunchy that movie is when I watched it with a prekindergarten kid! Who knew?? I mean yes, Rizzo gets prego, but my gosh there were a lot of references that I didn't feel like explaining in that movie. So anyway, I am not a bad parent for showing that to my kid; I swear, I just forgot, or never noticed, or maybe...is it possible? Did society actually get more prudish since that movie was made? I have such a hard time believing that with some of the things we see on TV, but I know I watched that stuff when I was a kid.

After driving through the college town I live in today and seeing the majority of girls wearing shorts that looked like underwear, I doubt we are actually taking a step forward in prudish behavior. I am mostly going with the theory that my parents didn't know what they were doing letting me watch that. ;) That's actually not a bad theory when you think about how they let us roam free in the woods by our house and let us sit in the back of the station wagon so we could look out the back window without seat belts. We also used to own a business when we were kids where we would have to go into complete stranger's houses and my parents never thought twice about letting us do this. So, I think one exposure to an old 50's style musical isn't so bad for my daughter. Right?

On the upside, I rented three other movies for my last weekend of freedom before I start back to grad school. Fool's Gold was okay, probably not for kids once again. Failure to Launch was great! Then, my daughter and I rented Ella Enchanted, which is such an excellent movie and she loved it as well. I have seen it a million times before, but it is still good! Despite how it seems, I don't normally watch movies at all, so this many in one weekend is a lot for me! I guess I have been a little down about going back to school and feeling a little overwhelmed, so when I am depressed I don't want to do anything. That is a total change from my normal go, go, go behavior. I am sure my husband and daughter relished in the lack of motivation on my part. ;) It won't last long, so they shouldn't get used to it.

How Old is Too Old?

A coworker was telling me about how she discovered a drunk college kid trying to ride a scooter yesterday and how she took it away from him, like his mom or something. She laughed it off as one of those "Boys will be boys" or "Good ol' college kids" type of things, but I feel like he could have killed someone or himself. I mean, he didn't, but he could have. She tells me I am not the norm for worrying about such things because most kids are wrapped up in that excitement of school, which I also get. Believe me, at 21 my head was full of hormones and bad judgement just like the rest of the world, but where does it end? When should parents stop bailing their kids out? I mean seriously, if my daughter thinks she is going to pull this crap when she is 22, she is mistaken! Also, have you ever noticed that we bump the maturity age back and back until mother's are running errands for their 30+ children? When they are toddlers, we say "Oh, they're just a baby!" Then, "Oh, you know... teenagers!" Then, "Well, they should be able to enjoy college" until it eventually turns into "Well, he's single and doesn't have anyone else to take care of him." This isn't helping anyone. Eventually these kids are going to have relationships with people who are not going to want to play second fiddle to meddling mothers who can't cut the apron strings.

Yesterday I attended an graduate school orientation for all graduate students. Unlike the day before at a BBQ for my specific cohort, the orientation yesterday was a general orientation. After hearing about people who's husbands were traveling to Ireland for the month or another girl who spent the last six weeks in Peru "learning the language" at the BBQ the day before, I was starting to feel slightly unaccomplished and immature; however, after the orientation yesterday I was feeling like an old bitty. There is just no consistency. So, the people behind me were giggling and chatting through the entire session and being generally immature. I expect some of this type of thing because we are all human, but at that early in the morning it was really annoying. I started to wonder what age signified the term "grown up" to people. I mean, at what age do we stop acting like children and act like civilized adults? Don't get me wrong because I know what it's like to be sitting in a large crowd and bored out of my mind, giggling with my friends about stupid things, but why get out of bed to be at an informational session at 8:00 AM just to talk through it? I was so unbelievably bored myself and was fighting the urge to nod off, but then I realized that I had no one to blame but myself for actually going to it. Why not just leave instead of talk?

So what I realized is that there isn't an age where people actually "grow up" and become adults. Of course, there is a psychologically defined age where people are expected to be mature, but most people do not adhere to that age. I just feel like there should be a set age where we can say to people "Alright you're 22 now, shut up when it's time to listen" or "Okay you're 30, it's time to move out of your mother's house" (like that movie Failure to Launch). Then I realized that the whole process seemed a little socialistic, even if it would be nice. I mean, I remember sitting in an auditorium with my friends "A" and "J" laughing and whispering (okay, it was mostly J and me) through our commencement ceremony due to sheer boredom, so I too am guilty. Then again, we were there for a long time and most of the information didn't pertain to us, so that was different! Okay, not really, but it makes me feel less guilty for being a hypocrite. Basically I feel like you should listen if you actually came there to listen. The orientation was all about listening; the commencment ceremony was just plain boring and disorganized, but still there was no excuse and I do feel bad.

So then I wondered if it were only certain regions or certain groups of people that were allowed to carry on their college days into their adult life without maturing. Sometimes I feel like a slacker in comparison to people from ivy league schools who were prepped their whole lives for law school, but then I feel abnormally mature next to Boulder frat kids burning their couches on the lawns. Do these people all grow up to have the same maturity level and it all just evens out in the end? How could it? How could an ivy league prepster be as equally successful as a drunken frat kid in the end? Okay, I am done ranting and raving. It was just a thought! So in conclusion, I wanted to say 23 is the magical maturity age, but I think maturity is on a sliding scale based n upbringing, overbearing mothers, region, education, hormones, anger, excitement, and genetics. In other words, we are all too different to come to a solid conclusion on the matter. There is no way to decipher the reasoning behind it. So instead I will get some sleep instead. ;)

Stress

This is yet another "Dear Diary" type of entry: Today I went to a party for Grad School. The professors and administration held a BBQ for for us new grad students. It went pretty well, but mostly it made me so nervous! Most of the grad students don't seem to be working while going to school and I was the only one that brought my kids (well kid) there with my husband (although all family was invited). So, most of them don't have children and don't work. I can't imagine why I think I can do all three. I think I am in over my head. Usually I feel like a flake at these things, but this time I feel way too serious! Ughh...

So far this has been a pretty stressful week in general, so maybe the stress of the week has driven me over the edge. I have been to my school three times to get books and each time I ask the hours ahead of time and each time they are closing the doors the minute I get there. They keep skipping out right as I am walking up to the door even though I have come a half an hour before closing to an our and a half before closing. So after working an 8+ hour day, I get there and they close. It's truly disheartening.

I have also had numerous meetings and appointments this week, while trying to get my books and on top of that I had the worst dream the other night. My mother had called me like six times in one day telling me that she had "exciting news" but never returned my calls. So she called me six times, but wont return any of the ones where I try calling her back. Anyway...so I dreamt that night my mother finally got a hold of me and said she was pregnant!!! I woke up with a start in the middle of the night in that state where you kind of half believe what you have just seen and thought to myself "Well, she can't be pregnant, right? Maybe she is going to tell me she is adopting a kid." I then thought about what I would say like "Haven't you tortured enough children?" (Okay that sunds mean, but you would have to meet her. She probably would have laughed) or "Can't you just get a dog?" So anyway, my week was already stressful and I still have not heard back from my mother. I did leave her a message saying that she she should probably call me since my dream has led me to believe the exciting news is her impending pregnancy.

Anyway, I have an orientation for school tomorrow and hopefully (Lord willing) I will get my books tomorrow since everyone (the non-workers) all seem to have theirs (Overachievers! Kidding, they are really very nice). I also have my "Cowgirl" work party Friday - YAY! <- Sarcasm alert. ;) So we will see if I am more or less stressed by the end of the week! Help!

Get Over it...

I know I have said this before, but I love the "This American Life" podcast, which is a podcast that features real-life stories that fit into a designated theme. The theme this week was titled "Break-up"where they interviewed several individuals with different stories. I should first say that while the initial girl in the interview said that everyone understands the pain of a break-up, I really haven't experienced that pain. I look back to the relationships before I met my husband, and for the most part, I am indifferent. This is going to sound heartless, but I never really cared that much about my past trysts back then. Things always seemed mutual by the end and we were always pretty mature about the whole thing. I mean, if I were breaking up with my husband now I would be devastated, but previously I never allowed myself to get that emotionally involved. They didn't know everything about me like he does. I never really wanted to experience that heartache and when I especially liked someone, I kept them at bay. I would try to act nonchalant, although probably not as successfully as I believed in my mind. Of course, this process did not come without downfalls, don't get me wrong, but it was my process at the time...

Okay, clearly I have issues and I know that (and wait, seriously, who doesn't?), but after watching my own parents split in Junior High after a very overwhelming break-up of their own, I just couldn't handle it. Even through high school my sister and I were dragged through the details of their rocky relationship, long after they split and it sucked. Although they didn't mean to, they taught me that relationships generated drama and trouble. So it's no wonder I wasn't ready to delve into that type of thing. Of course, I wasn't an unfeeling robot and would always find myself getting sucked into some kind of crush, but I tried to keep a distance.

Even with my husband now, I kept trying to give him the brush off when we met. My sister had forced me to go to this birthday party at a club and my husband (or future husband) was there with some friends. I should also interject that I hate clubs, so I never went to them. Greasy, sweaty guys all mackin' on me, yuck. So my husband asked me to dance like 9,000 times and 8,999 times I said no- mostly because I have no dancing ability whatsoever, but also because I wanted no part of a relationship at that point in my life; plus, he was a bit of a gnat that wouldn't go away and I hated that. Eventually a Depeche Mode song came on that I loved and I gave in. So I danced to Depeche Mode, slaughtered the Electric Slide in another round of dancing (no seriously, if there were dancing police I would have been arrested), and the rest is history...I was cured of myself and I am grateful to this day.

So, back to the break-up podcast...yes, there is a point to all of this. I loved this podcast because it gave me insight about break-ups, but also, I think it would give anyone insight to getting over a break-up. For example, after hearing a little girl talk about her parent's divorce, I learned that when parents break-up (despite the awareness that it is a total necessity like in my parent's case) the break-up can still have a major impact on the child's future relationships. This particular little girl was interviewed some 20 years later and still seemed affected. It was like she wanted permission from her parents. This gave me such great knowledge about children and divorce. Think of how many of us have gone through our parents divorce and not one person offered counseling or to even talk about the stuff we dealt with; it just wasn't done.

Another girl wrote a song about her break-up in order to get over her lost love, but the madness doesn't end there! She even went to Phil Collins for advice on how to write a good break-up song. Phil Collins, by the way, seems incredibly nice. He knows the pain of a break-up and proved to be helpful in the song writing process, possibly in the girl's therapeutic process as well (he would make an excellent counselor!). The song turned out great! I think this would make for fantastic therapy, which may even be a good recommendation when counseling patients - ooohhh, especially teenagers! They should really open some kind of studio where normal people can record songs. Most songs do seem to be sad, love songs, like this girl pointed out. Speaking of...this girl (the Phil Collins girl) also offers an extensive look at break-ups and even an interesting story about how a Bonnie Raitt song was written.

So basically the entire podcast was really funny, but it also seemed to have some cathartic value to people going through the break-up process, or even to those who aren't. For instance, I learned that perhaps I am not some inhuman and unfeeling monster, as much as I simply had the means and know how to recoup from those bad experiences that left me sad or maybe I just simply forgot how sad I was at the time. I mean, there are still people I wish I could talk to, but I just don't feel that twinge of pain that others talk about. I am glad that I went through those experiences, but I am equally glad that they had to come to an end; otherwise I would have never met my husband and I wouldn't have had my beautiful daughter. I am such a firm believer in the whole "things happen for a reason" philosophy; although I do understand how hard that concept is to grasp when you feel your heart has been ripped out and torn to bits by a seemingly uncaring ex or maybe I have just been lucky... knock on wood. ;)

Some good break-up type of songs that came to mind when writing this. There are just too many to even list. Some may not even be break-up songs, but they sure sound that way...

The Cure: Boys Don't Cry
Green Day: Good Riddance
Simple Minds: Don't You Forget About Me
Mirah: The Garden
Plain White T's: Hate (I really don't like you)
Ting Tings: Shut Up and Let Me Go
Violent Femmes: I Hope You Get Fat (Actually they have a few good ones: Breakin-up, a Boy George cover of Do You Really Want to Hurt Me, etc...)
The Smiths: Unhappy Birthday
Carrie Underwood: Before He Cheats
Alanis Morresette: You Oughta Know
Fiona Apple: Sleep to Dream
Sinead O'Conner: Nothing Compares to You
Brandi Carlisle: Turpentine

Yeah, I could go on forever here. No wonder people aren't able to get over lost love! Possibly though, there are just so many other people who have discovered the value of song writing to get over someone.

Greatest or not?

Obviously with the Olympics going on, this is a week for sports discussions. For example, the Today Show was discussing whether or not Michael Phelps was the greatest athlete of all time. I was trying to decide for myself if Phelps was or not. The man on the Today Show said one of the reasons he considers him to be the greatest athlete over the others, such as Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan, is due to the fact that people are not meant to swim for eight hours a day in water. He's right when you think about it. Our bodies are designed to run, jump, throw, and all of those other things Michael Jordan and Tiger do. In fact, we do a lot of these things all day, every day from right when we start walking as babes; however, swimming and breathing under water like a fish, is not something we do on a daily basis.

To me, Lance Armstrong is a close second because, well his Autobiography is fresh in my head, but also because I know how grueling riding a bike all day can be. After all, my sister is insane and often dragged me out to do just that several times. I remember one time specifically where we took a ferry to the San Juan Islands for an all day excursion in the blazing hot sun, where we ran out of water and forgot sun block. After that day, biking was not high on my list of fun things to do anymore; however, I really hate swimming. so I have to acknowledge and appreciate the effort that Michael Phelps makes and how he manages to slaughter his competition. If I were to make a decision based on the things that I personally would never want to do (anything that involves too much effort), I would have to go with Lance or Phelps, over Michale Jordan or Tiger.

Don't get me wrong... I am equally impressed by Michael Jordan, who defies gravity, but not so much by Tiger Woods. Okay, again, don't get me wrong because he is arguably the best golfer of all time, but I have been golfing with my husband. Basically you don't do any real activity until it's your turn to hit the ball, so it's not like he's under constant physical duress for the entire event like the other three individuals. He has to have skill and an abnormal sense of his own body movement's, but so do the others. So I would have to say that he can't contend with a three week long all-day horrendous bike race where you have the potential of being clipped by a car or being killed by your own speed an strength, like Lance. This also works for Michael Jordan because he isn't in any real danger on an indoor basketball court, but then Phelps isn't either. So, I guess it's a tie? Phelps has the whole "unnaturally swimming in water" thing, but Lance can be killed by the elements he races in. Anyway, there's what has been running through my crazy brain for today. Is there any athlete I am forgetting? Hmmm...

"It's Not About the Bike" in review...

I just finished listening to the audio version of Lance Armstrong's book "It's Not About the Bike." I was glad for the audio version because I liked the idea that it's actually him talking on the CD. Hearing someone tell their story seems so much more personal than a paper version of a book or even hearing someone else read words on a page - kind of like Bill Clinton's book. He has the best voice and therefore, his book on CD was so much better than the paper version; however, I think this thought process almost backfired on this particular book...

Initially, I had mixed feelings about the book because I had heard an interview with Lance where he seemed so down to earth and nice, but listening to the book sort of shook up my impressions of him. I went back and forth several times within the course of the book on whether or not I liked it, or Lance. I guess I figured anyone who would start a cancer support website and a foundation must be this overwhelmingly friendly, humble, and kind man. For example, I once heard an interview with Alonzo Mourning of the Miami Heat who suffered through a kidney disease and kidney transplant. He appeared to be one of the most gracious and seemingly humble people who I have heard in an interview. I guess I expected the same out of this book. It was a bit like expecting to take a sip of milk and getting liquor or something.

With that said, as I listened to Lance read his own words, I began to understand that while he still seems like a nice guy, there is a certain cockiness that goes hand in hand with being the “best” at something. Although I will admit that I think secretly I was also bugged by him because he reminded me of someone I know (I won’t say who), I was also bugged a little at his pride and lack of modesty when he talked about how he dealt with people. I guess, though, professionally competitive athletes have to be self-assured because without self-confidence they wouldn't have the strength to endure the grueling abuse they put themselves through to win. They have to be able to assure themselves that they are worth the trouble and therefore they must check their meekness at the door. I wonder if the ability to survive such a horrendous illness is also tied to that same introspection and confidence. After all, Lance himself compared his battle with cancer to a bike race; one challenging hill after another to face.

The word cancer is like a distant call in the woods on the trail of life. People tend to throw it around like it's nothing anymore (especially at a hospital or doctors office where it is so predominant), since so many people seem to have had it. You somehow assume that it is on some far-off pathway in the backwoods, but you never really take it seriously until you accidentally stumble upon it. Then, you have no choice but to accept its reality and even then you never really “get” how strong human beings are until you understand what it takes to wade through this type of disaster. Working at a hospital, one can't help but be affected when you see people come and go through therapy (even when you are not directly involved with their treatment). Oddly, in the time I have been at the hospital I have never seen a negative oncology patient. So many of them have stopped by my desk to check in and tell me how great they are doing. I think that may be the key to survival. As easy as it is to be struck down with grief, patients with this illness don't have that luxury. It takes strength, but more importantly, it takes confidence.

So let me make a small confession here: I am weak. Awhile ago someone very near and dear to me was diagnosed with cancer. When I found out, I was weak, sick to my stomach, and deeply saddened for days with the odds that were given. Everything - school, work, food - everything seemed insignificant, but this person never seemed to waiver in their strength. They never even talked about it really. Compared to this other person, I am Jello. Thank God that this person had strength and thank God for all of the survivors' strength because I believe it empowers them to conquer what they have, or at least do their best against the odds.

So, back to Lance... As the story went on, I went from being disappointed that I bought a book about a guy who seemed so dang cocky, to feeling a twinge of pride for him. As the story grows, so does Lance. You can literally see him grow - mentally. He goes from a somewhat conceded and a bitter young man who seems angry at the men in his life, to a sensitive person that is an inspiration to children (an others) coping with cancer. It is almost overwhelming when hearing him talk about how he was able to overcome the odds and mental strife to survive, to thrive, to have kids even, and to be normal. I became proud of his accomplishments, even though I don't even know the guy and even though I almost turned the book off in the beginning.

So the conclusion to my ramblings is that the book made me realize two things: People need to have more confidence in themselves than anyone else because often we are our own cheering squad. We don't always have someone else around to get us through the tough times, although, Lance had his share of support. I also learned that whether Lance is cocky, conceded, and overly self-assured doesn't really matter. The truth is that his attitude got him through tough times, but more importantly, his attitude has gotten others through tough times. He has left a legacy in biking, but also in the world of cancer where people who are at their worst can always say "Lance did it. Lance beat odds worse than these and he survived. Anything is possible." He was one of the worst cases doctors had seen, but made it through; therefore, if he wasn't so self-assured, he may not be around to inspire others. So, in the end, the book was definitely worth the read and even made my eyes well up. Shhh, don't tell. ;)

Sneaky shopping

Okay, so I am overly analytical and that characteristic definitely comes out when I shop; especially for items over say $50. For instance, when I bought my husband's Garmin, I searched and searched for the best price (Amazon BTW). Well, recently I purchased a laptop (Best Buy) and discovered that I still needed Microsoft Office because new computers tend to come with Vista, over XP, etc. Okay I admit it, I don't know a ton about the mechanics of computers, but at least once they are on I am a very adept at using them! ;) No, seriously, I can make a killer Power Point; plus, there was even a comment on my last review "She is always available to answer computer questions." It's great if the questions are only related to simple Word, Excel, or e-mail. Shhh... don't tell them that I had no idea that an old Office Professional wouldn't work with a brand new Vista. Anyway, what I have learned this week is, other than searching on sites like MySimon or Amazon for the best deal, even the stores within the various companies have different prices.

So say you go to Best Buy's website and look at their ads; if you plug in your zip code you can get one price, but even a zip code 45 miles away can have a much better deal. For example, Office was $129 in my city, but the bigger city where my sister lives had a $99 price. Weird. I also discovered that some places like Walmart will have a price on say, once again, Office online for $89, but in store it was $129 (I think that is what it was). Here's the thing: You can actually get online in the store and order the cheaper version and have it sent to...that same Walmart, and get this...for free shipping. So, if you come back a week later you can pick up the same thing that is in the store right then, but you can save $40. Of course, I would recommend purchasing one on your own home computer just because community computers freak me out, but you get the idea.

We asked why they couldn't just give that price to us and were told that online prices are cheaper because they are ordered directly through the manufacturer and do not have to be warehoused (???). No, it makes no sense to me either. I mean, they are going to receive the new one a week from now and it will be the same thing they could have just handed me right there. Oh well, the point of this long, drawn out story is that I saved $40-50 just by looking around a little. Of course, on a side note: I also learned last week that Walmart has recently met with their top management to tell them that if Obama is elected he will make it easier to put unions in place. I guess this is a way to guide their management's voting decisions, which is kind of pathetic. So maybe the $10 extra to Best Buy would be easier and less detrimental to our freedom as voters. Not that I work at Walmart, or know anyone who does, but I would hate to think my employer would come up to me and pressure me to vote for who they like. In fact, the idea of my non-profit CEO doing this is totally absurd and kind of amusing. Well, that's politics for you... We can't even shop without being sucked into the game a little. :(

Don't Always Know Where I'm Going

I just heard about a book called "Not Quite What I was Planning" by Larry Smith, which is about six word memoirs. In other words, if you must chose six words to sum up your life story, what six do you chose? So for instance, "It is okay to be average" or "I never got over that day" or "My life should have been different" and so on. My husband chose "Joined the Army, Became a Father." He is out of the army now, but that is how we met and his daughter is the light of his life. So, for the most part, this does a good job of summarizing his life. I was thinking about this, about my life and my six words, but I had a hard time thinking of a sufficient memoir title.

I am not sure if it's because my life is still in the works or because I always have so dang much to say that I couldn't possibly narrow my thoughts to six measly words. It is so much easier for me to think of other people and write theirs' for them. For example, I have a friend that is so great, but she is too shy to come forward and announce her strengths. I always get sad when I see that, so for her I chose: "No Confidence, but So Much Potential." I also thought of a relative of mine (who shall not be named), who never got over the life she should have had to the point where it seemed to impact the life she does have. For her I chose "The Great Life I never Noticed." I also have a friend who only sees the negative side of her life and thinks everyone else is holding her back: "No One's to Blame but Myself" (okay that may be a stretch with "one's"). There was this girl I used to know a girl from the Ukraine who fled conflict in her country and who was just so beautiful, but had no idea how truly pretty she was - inside and out. I titled her story "From Great Adversity to Great Beauty." I think telling others the titles you chose from them could almost be therapeutic if we ever got brave enough to say them out loud to others, or hear them out loud from others for that matter.

I also like the idea that the six words could mean anything to the people who read them, but those that chose them know the real story behind the words they chose. Additionally, I love that six words can create so much speculation and so much conversation among the people who hear them. I think that was what the writer had in mind when he compiled these six word stories from both famous people and average Joe's. Anyway, that's the basic idea behind the book. I can't wait to get a copy of my own! By the way, Amazon.com has it for $9.60!

Signed: "I am a work in progress..." ;)

Panic

This is more of a "dear Diary" entry today because I woke up last night in a panicked sweat. Well, first of all, I barely got sleep to begin with because my 100 pound labs decided to be afraid of thunder and lighting in the middle of a severe and long thunder storm until about midnight. So, they decided to counteract their fears that they would crawl in bed with me and lay on my chest, which just isn't fun, or comfortable.

So then, the panicked sweat part came to me about 3:00 AM... I start back to school to graduate school for counseling in two weeks. The talk throughout our relatively small college town of the extra vehicles from the incoming out-of-state college kids and the return of yellow flashing school zones to our pleasant summer commutes once again affecting the normalcy of the traffic we have gotten used to throughout the summer somehow impacted my thoughts in my restless sleep. I only have two weeks left of summer. I only have two weeks until I have to start stressing over assignments and final exams. I only have two weeks until my already hectic schedule is shaken up and thrown back down to reveal a billion puzzles pieces, some of which don't even belong to the picture that is my life. Between my full-time job and my daughter's school, gymnastics, ballet, soccer, and now swimming, I already barely make time for myself in the midst of the chaos. Now I am supposed to make time for an extra 9 hours a week of school, plus homework, plus textbooks, plus a 600 hour internship, and a 100 hour practicum. Am I crazy? Is that what led me to believe I was capable of handling this? I am strong, but I am not superwoman.

What's a girl to do though? This is important to me because it is my passion to help children. There are so many issues with children that often go unnoticed until things are out of control. In a world full of statistics created by 9/11, Columbine, Darfur - where an Olympic athlete was able to escape imprisonment as a young boy, and human trafficking - where roughly 1.2 million children are being trafficked each year throughout the world and slavery is at it's highest level ever (http://www.stopthetraffik.org/), the children of the world are in need of some serious mental intervention... Intervention to aid in their recovery, but also to help before the kids of today turn into the same mayhem that is impacting this already war-torn society. I want to be one of those people who are here to help, but how? How can I do this without, in an ironic twist, losing my own mind in the process. Other people have done this right? Other people have been a mom, a worker, and a graduate student, right? Why is it I feel the practicality of my endeavors is sufficiently lacking? In the end though, I will have extra time to spend with my daughter if I am able to follow through with this. Help!

Then... I was finally able to go back to sleep at 4:30, only to have my alarm clock wake me up again at 6:00 AM, which by the way, will be 5:00 AM in two week's time. A thought which led me to stress about my daughter having to get up an extra hour early and be in school that much longer each day, which made me feel bad yet again.

Ughh...

Lesson from the Kiosk Girl

For anyone who hasn’t been to Denver, the area is covered with an abnormal amount of art stores, overpriced salons, and posh malls. As with any mall in any normal town, the mall corridors of Denver malls are covered with trendy teenagers, but in Denver the kids look like they are strutting the latest fashions down a catwalk on Milan. The Denver malls seem to also have a propensity for unnaturally beautiful people. Is it possible these kids have all had cosmetic surgery and the moms escorting them through the mall got some kind of two-for-one deal at the plastic surgeon’s office? Anyway, the point is that the mall can be an intimidating place to be for a normal average Joe in Denver.

Recently my daughter and I were walking through one of these malls, just trying to hurry because my daughter does not share my interest in shopping so I was losing her attention quickly, when we were stopped by a hair flattener sales girl at one of those kiosks in the middle of the mall. I don’t know what I was thinking. I mean, I am not someone who is easily swayed by solicitors and have never actually stopped for one of these people before. Of course, this girl also looked like something straight out of Milan, so it is quite possible she was intimidating enough to convince me with just a glance that if I stopped I had some potential of looking like her when she was done with us; therefore, when she asked if she could show me something on my daughter, I just said “Yes” without hesitation and I still can’t figure out why I did that. Anyway, the point is that she was a natural sales person.

The sales girl was selling these ceramic hair flatteners called Herstylers for exorbitant prices. Don’t get me wrong, they were very cute with different shades of pink, purple, apple green and more. Oh, and I guess they worked well too. The sales girl sat my daughter in a chair, curling her hair with this skinny flattener, and in 5 minutes my daughter looked like some blond blue eyed child model. As an added bonus, my daughter loved the extra attention and spent the rest of the day flipping her hair about like the princess that she thinks she is. So, at the very least, the sales girl helped me extend my whine-free shopping experience a little bit longer. My daughter barely noticed she was shopping while she enjoyed looking at herself in the giant mirrors in Banana Republic (modesty is not her strong suit).

So where does the lesson come in? I was so amazed by the flattener’s results on my daughter’s hair that I even listened patiently and calmly when the girl told me that these tiny little things cost $200! I even did that thing in my head before she said the price where I tried thinking of the price I would actually pay for one of these things. My price point was $35, but of course I didn’t say this out loud for fear of being laughed at by Milan supermodel/sales girl. So when I said no, she went over to her coworkers and brought back a $50 gift certificate towards the purchase of one of these things. When I still hesitated she said she would give me an additional $20 off of that price. At this point we were down to $130, so I tell her that I am just not an impulsive shopper and asked her for her card. She then says really quietly “What if I can get you one for right about cost for $100?” I told her I was heading across the hall to Banana Republic and would think about it, since I really did like them (but of course I just wanted out of there). Even with $100 off, that still seemed expensive for a hair flattener. I also have a friend who used to be a cosmetologist, so I wanted to ask her if she had heard of them and to see if she thought I was crazy for even giving this woman the time of day. So we wandered off in the direction of BR; hoping to avoid her angry glares burrowing into the back of my head as we left. To be fair, it's not my fault we sucked up so much of her time. I asked her the minute my daughter sat in the chair how much they were, but she told me to wait and proceeded to curl away. Needless to say, we didn’t return to the kiosk. In fact, we went the other direction, up the escalators, around the top of the mall, and then out of the building.

The next day I was still a little curious about these cool little gadgets, so I got on Amazon.com (I am an Amazon addict!). How much were they??? An average of about $35, but, they were all being sold by private sellers and there were very few reviews, which is never a good sign. I guess the point is that if I really wanted one of these things, I wouldn't buy them for $200 at a kiosk in the mall. So what I have learned (long story short), is that you can haggle with those people in the kiosks in the mall and that generally they start their prices at roughly six times higher than a normal person would actually pay for their product. It was pretty cool though, uh, but not that cool. I also learned to look straight ahead when walking through the mall; avoiding eye contact with anyone who may want to sell you something. Finally, I learned that my rule of waiting 24 hour before buying expensive things is the way to go; especially with the Internet to help you to comparison shop. Another lesson learned...

Unsolicited Advice

"Please do not give my parent unsolicited advice." That was on a onsie I saw in a parenting magazine awhile ago and I had forgotten about until my husband reminded me about yesterday. It was like $30 bucks, which at the time seemed like a lot for a onsie; however, people do tend to overwhelm new parents with all kinds of opinions about how to raise their babies, so I guess that is the prime age for a shirt like that. Although, this week in particular, I am learning that no child's age is inappropriate for a shirt like that. In fact, I wish I could remember who sold those so I could buy one right now.

After taking a full week off of work chalked full of all kinds of activities such as pool parties, children's theater, hiking, bowling, sculpture shows, fairs, buffalo ranches, a wide variety of play dates, visiting in-laws, and numerous restaurants, I have been filled with unsolicited parenting advice to my eyeballs. The thing is, whenever you take kids out of their normal routines and fill their days with activities, they tend to be over-stimulated; yet, no one ever seems to relate to this unless it is their own child. Don't get me wrong, I am not excusing bad behavior in a normal setting, but vacations seem to have strange effects on children. Little kids are hyper and they feed off of other peoples' energy; they just do. People tend to wear strange lenses that only see the good in their own children and only the faults of others (myself included here). Also, the more time that passes, the less bad stuff they remember. So they then feel the necessity to tell you all about how to handle your child as though he/she is the beast child in The Exorcist. I am going to try to remember this when my daughter has kids.

So, despite how we feel our own precious angels behave, they are not as perfect as we think and despite what we think, we are not the best parents in the world. For example, I had a woman in the restaurant we ate at in Cheyenne (where the kids sat with nothing to do for two hours while the waitress took her time) tell us "I remember when my kids were young. That's tough having them come to restaurants" in a "why did you bring them here?" kind of tone. Four kids (my sister's and mine), all with different personalities and moods, bored out of their skulls for two hours... I mean, of course they were stir crazy. All of them had different reactions, since just like adults, no two people react the same to any given situation. Even I was yanking at the roots of my hair, ready to start pounding my head on the table. I can only imagine how a kid who finished their meal an hour prior would have felt.

See this is why I prefer my one-on-one outing to the local fair with my daughter opposed to bringing others along. I can avoid the pressure of having others look down their nose when I give in and buy her a heart shaped lollipop and nachos for lunch. I mean, they were out of broccoli at the fair; yet, I just know I would have gotten "the look" from anyone else I brought with me. I prefer the solitude of being with my daughter to hearing yet another "I remember when my kids were young" story, or "I wish my kid would eat junk food, but they seem to only want healthy things" and what else? To read the bible quietly in their room while the other "abnormal" child hellions are tearing the place apart? C'mon...

As tough as my daughter's free-spirited attitude can be sometimes, she is a great kid, but even she has had her moments. Haven't we all though? If we look at kids like we would look at ourselves, have we always been in a perfect mood and behaved perfectly every day for our entire lives? Probably not. So how is it some people think their children have been able to pull off that incredible challenge? Even the most biblical of people must have had a tantrum now and again (Am I going to be struck by lightning for saying that?). Of course, I too see other people's wild children and see the flaws that their parents don't see; similar to how other people see my child's flaws and throw me judgemental glares, but I try my hardest to hold back (especially when other people's kids talk back to adults.) and even I have failed; I admit it, but it is an awful feeling to have people who don't walk in your shoes judge you.

I also don't want to hear anymore how much better things were "back in the day" when other generations were younger and things were so much better." Therefore, the woman at my work who tells me how her grown children never had a bad day because she was "an at home mom" (every single day) can just keep it to herself because I know perfection is impossible. To me, claims of perfection insinuate that someone has something to hide because I know perfection is a fallacy. I happen love the fact that my daughter is not a meek little mouse who sits still and never questions anything because I know in the real world she will have a fighting chance at survival. After all, is the "adult world" full of well behaved perfect people that always share, who never try to push the envelope, and never try to get their way? Well, according to their mothers they are, but I know better. Now then...I wonder where I can find one of those shirts after all. I mean they mass marketed that shirt for a reason, so it's not just me.

Way Out Yonder...

This last weekend my sister and I took our children to Wyoming for some good ol’ country fun. While we had a good time experiencing the ways of the west, it wasn’t exactly a life changing event like Billy Crystal had in City Slickers. Speaking of City Slickers… well wait, let me start from the beginning:

Denver has this magazine called 5280 and despite the fact that the target market for the magazine is evidently people with incomes over $100,000 a year (yes, they actually say this in the magazine) and the overwhelming ads for plastic surgeons, the magazine is good for letting Coloradoans know about upcoming events and good places to eat. 5280 is what led us to the “Pie Lady” in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Yes this was a long trek for pie, but I happen to be a pie aficionado and an all around expert on pie, so I had to make the trek or other pie devotees wouldn’t take me seriously. Well, the pie was okay, but the service, well it was lousy. Okay, wait, that’s not totally fair; our waitress was very pleasant, but another lady was not so good. Actually she was just downright mean and scary. I had asked for the check because we were there an hour for pie and were trying to get to the tour of the ranch we had planned. She didn’t say anything to us, but yelled “Dawn! Your table wants their check” and stormed off. So we left the restaurant wondering if the place is called the “Pie Lady” as in “Yay! There’s the pie lady” or as in “Ughh, here comes the pie lady. Everyone hide.” Basically we figured out we should just go to Village Inn; it’s closer and the pieces are bigger. I have also never had a mean waitress there. Although, I will say the Blueberry Crunch pie at the PL was really good.

Next we “moseyed” on over to the Terry Bison Buffalo Ranch. We took a fairly inexpensive train ride through the ranch, where we stopped for odd amount of time to look at buffalo. It was a rather peaceful experience, despite the four crazy kids with us. We even saw a “country” wedding, with a trail of grain for the bride to walk on and bride’s maids wore hot pink flip flops with their hot pink and black dresses (which, despite how it sounds, they seriously pulled the look off well and looked great! I mean that! I mean no, I wouldn’t have done it, but I wouldn’t have chosen a bison ranch for a wedding either. Okay, off track again…). The conductor and the tour guide (a really young cow girl) were extremely friendly; however, when we got back to the main registration desk/store I decided that people in Wyoming are not big on pretending that they are friendly for customer service’s sake. After the Pie Lady and the cranky people behind the counter here, I was wondering if it was just a Wyoming thing to be mean to their customers. I mean, there isn’t exactly a wide selection of businesses for people to choose from. I guess they figure “Go ahead, go somewhere else then” because they know you can’t unless you want to drive another hour in flying dirt and tumbleweed in the middle of nowhere to get to someplace that may or may not have better service.

Well, this theory was confirmed when we had dinner at the Capital Grill in downtown Cheyenne that night. Dinner was great, but the service was “oh my gosh” horrible! It took two and a half hours to eat a meal and we were one of two tables that had people in our little area; plus there were two waitresses! I wish I had gotten the other waitress too because she was so attentive and the other people who arrived an hour later left when we did. We were constantly giving her longing looks that maybe, if the stars had aligned better, she could have belonged to us and we would have been out of there much sooner. Alas… instead we got a friendly but negligent girl who disappeared for long periods of time. I know this sounds like a trivial complaint, but if you have children you might know how hard it is to keep four children under six entertained with silverware and a couple of crayons for over two hours. Oh, and she brought their meals at the beginning of the meal. Their meals were long gone by the time ours came and another hour and a half went by with four kids and no food to entertain them even.

Back to Curly in City Slickers… If you have ever seen the movie, Curly is a cranky old cowboy who has little patience for the “City folk” on their cell phones trying to make an attempt at experiencing the west. I think this is how the people in Cheyenne felt about us on our visit. I also think this experience was a test of my new found “relax and enjoy the atmosphere” philosophy and I failed miserably. Our frustration with the service on our wild west outing may have been another clash of the cultures, much like the previous post about the non-rushing philosophy of the Parisians. My sister and I have decided that we might have been able to endure this slow paced atmosphere before we had children, but unfortunately kids don’t allow you to sit back and enjoy things because they are constantly saying things like “When are we going to leave? Are we there yet? Where are we going next? Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!” over and over and over (I could go on here) again until you want to scream and run away. Plus, if I have a mind like a gerbil, imagine my daughter!

So, despite my sister’s rather impressive attempt at making the experience more enjoyable with her use of colorful cowboy lingo (that she learned from her southern husband) like "Slow your roll," "Thata way," and “Wherever the wind takes us,” it was just hard to have a good time when our good moods and adventurous spirits were stifled by screaming kids and less than friendly people, who seemed to just want us to go away. We were also really sad that the waitress sucked the daylight hours away from us and we were forced to watch the sun set over the town’s only movie theater (which seemed neat in a historic way); therefore, we were unable to take a final trek over to the town’s giant painted cowboy boots in the pavilion before we got the heck out of Dodge (or Cheyenne). For a better “county experience, maybe just go to the ranch and then head down to Denver to the White Fence Farm, which is loaded with country-ish stuff, tree houses, a petting zoo, great fried chicken, giant pie slices, and the most important quality they have is their good service.

Starting from scratch:

Almost daily I am reminded that children are virtually "blank slates" where communication is concerned. I remember one time my daughter was pretending to read the story of "The Princess and the Pea," a book she had never read before. As she read, I discovered she had misinterpreted "Pea" to be of the bodily function nature instead of the round green vegetable nature. So she proceeded to make up the words to the story about the princess and painted the scene of her unfortunate "accident" a thought that had never occurred to me. So yesterday there was a similar incident. My daughter came home from preschool and told me that her friend said she was going to "Scare the pants off of someone" - Kind of the same deal - she was thinking literally because she doesn't get the expression and the language.

So this got my mind going (it doesn't take much). Kids are always listening to adults and repeating what they say, even though they may not understand the basic idea and this includes the bad things that we do or say. For example, my husband has an uncle who always says inappropriate remarks (usually of the racial kind, much to my dismay), but everyone in my husband's family is sort of used to it and accepts this behavior as a "he's just like that, ignore him" kind of thing. What do you do though? Telling people like this to stop only appears to increase their behavior. It’s like they thrive on agitation. You also can't very well shun your family for their remarks (Okay wait...on a side note: Wouldn't it be nice if we could shun our family? I mean, not all of them, but the ones who really get under your skin. Like the racist ones or the one who always points out your flaws, like a messy house, slouching, etc. Or is it just me??? Anyway…). My mother says to make racist people feel uncomfortable by telling them I am of another decent, in order to make them stop talking (I guess technically speaking, I am…). At least this was her solution when I complained of a boss I had in Missouri that would constantly say derogatory things about other races. Despite her other faults, my mom is extremely non-tolerant of racism in any form. I explained to her that I was not sure this solution would work either because he would just talk behind my back instead.

Racism isn't the only problem though... there are other behaviors our children pick up as well - language, habits, violence, etc. Other than racist family members and other outside chatter... I have found members inside my own household to be the culprit of some unconscious blabbering about inappropriate things - myself even! Alright, I will admit something: I yell. Not all of the time, but I know I have a habit of raising my voice when I feel that I am being ignored. I can't help it; I grew up in a family full of loud people and yellers. I think mostly it was a space issue. We always had an upstairs and downstairs and no one felt like walking downstairs to make a request, so we would all just yell to say "Bring me a glass of water please!!!" or whatever (okay it was a laziness issue too). I also yell because I feel what I am trying to say is important and don't want the information to be missed by my dear, somewhat deaf loved ones. That "flair" button on Facebook that says "I yell because I care" should seriously be my adopted motto. Anyway, despite my sad, pathetic reasoning, it is still a bad habit nonetheless. At least I am conscious of it and am trying to change my poor behavior.

The point is... I have recently discovered that while my child is exposed to these bad habits and sometimes rude and ignorant people, I don't have to roll over and play dead, allowing her sponge-like brain to soak up everything she hears and parrot this information to the rest of the world. We all have bad habits we would rather not pass onto our little ones, but let's be honest; we aren't going to shed all of our flaws at the drop of a hat. So, what I have figured out is something that I actually learned from a friend. She said "No matter what, I can honestly say I have taught my children the difference between right and wrong. They can't say anything different."

I think that's the key: As long as we can catch ourselves (or others) doing or saying something that we know is not quite right, we should take the time to point this out to our children. I actually read that somewhere: You are supposed to tell your child, "Oh, mommy got upset over traffic, how silly." Or Uncle Harry doesn't understand that making fun of others is wrong, but you know better right? Here's one I use a lot (refer to above story): Mommy shouldn't have raised her voice, I'm sorry. What should I have done instead?" The important thing here is so that I can make sure my daughter knows there is a better solution than the one I chose. I also learned from a magazine recently to role-play various incidents like "Should I tell so and so she has an ugly dress on?" and see what they say. We'll see if this works - I'll check back in and let you know, in about 20 years from now. Anyway, there's the look into my daily thought processes! ;)

Take your time...

Recently I was listening to an interview by Rick Steves titled "Paris City Guide" where he was interviewing a guest from France. The interviewee was talking about how people in Paris like to take their time. Evidently Parisians especially feel this way about eating in restaurants; they hate to be rushed. He said the best bakeries are the ones with the longest lines. They also hate to rush others according to this interviewee. They think “Let them talk and enjoy their meal."

I have to admit, initially I was thinking like a non-Parisian at this point: "If there's a line at a bakery I think I would just look for another bakery. I mean, how different could they be? After all, if I'm in Paris, I don't want to spend the precious little time I have waiting around....blah, blah, blah..." After awhile of mulling this concept over, I had an epiphany: Alas! I’m someone who has a million thoughts a day and no one who I would force to listen to them. I am someone who loves to hear people’s “Stories” but no one with the time to tell them because no one wants to impose on others “Time.” Why is this? We all fill our days so full of other garbage that we don’t have time for the important things in life – each other!

No wonder there's a communication barrier between Americans and Parisians. We, generally speaking, have different priorities it seems. Americans are all about the go, go, go - with fast food, fast lanes, drive-thru restaurants, express lines, etc. We thrive on text messaging and e-mails (myself totally included!) because we don't want to take the time to "talk" to people when we just have something "quick" to say. We also tend to get frustrated when someone takes too long to give an explanation. I can't tell you how many times people have walked away at my work when someone was trying to give directions. They would rather spend their time wandering aimlessly than actually “hear” what someone else has to say. Even our lives are all about hurrying to the next destination - like that Trace Adkins song - We very well might "miss this" whatever it is because we don't take the time to appreciate it. We are already onto the next big thing before we've fully embraced the previous experience. Why can't we just slow down and let someone talk, or eat, or live? Would that relaxed way of life really be too much for us to handle?

Evidently Paris is a place that values relationships, time, and life. What an incredible concept! Maybe trying to do so much stuff before we die isn't living a "full life." Maybe it’s more about doing the most with the time we have. This is when I realized that I have yet another reason to move to (or at least visit) Paris. I mean, there's the fact that it's Paris (the romantic city in the world, chalked full of art, romance, great food, and on and on...). Now though, I have discovered a place where people actually want to take time to enjoy one another's company. Imagine a place where people want to sit in a restaurant enjoying the fantastic cuisine and are actually interested in the person they are with; without looking at your watch and giving the waiter dirty looks for the check.

So that is my new philosophy for my life; although I am not sure how successful I will be at pulling it off. I mean, I like the general idea, but I still have the attention span of a gerbil. I am also surrounded by millions of other gerbils rushing around in their fast cars, to fast food, for a quick bite to eat, etc. I do love people, conversation, and good food. I grew up in the Seattle area with amillion things to do at any given time, so sitting still is not my strong suit. So who knows; we'll see! Maybe I am a good candidate for Paris residency after all.