Ulterior Motives

This week in class we are discussing Transactional Analysis (TA). TA has been around for awhile and in fact, I am learning how a lot of things that we do and say in society are derived from this theory - like the term "warm fuzzies" was in a book I picked up on the topic this week. My mom used to always use this term when I was younger. This is strange really because if you knew her, this doesn't really fit into her typical persona. By the way, saying "warm fuzzies" is not an adequate way to actually give someone warm fuzzies, but enough of my personal issues... Let's move on... So anyway...TA is very interesting, but I wont bore anyone with the mundane details (well, in this blog anyway... well, not on purpose anyway LOL).

Essentially what is important to understand about TA is that we each have three parts: Our Adult, the parent, and the child lurking inside of us and the communication (transactions) we have with others stems from one of these three parts. We can also have "ulterior" transactions, in which we are acting a specific way, but in reality what we are saying to someone really has a different meaning. For example, if I say to my coworker who always talks about how great her life is "You just seem to have the most perfect life," but in reality what I am saying is "Sheesh! I get it already! You are the most perfect person who ever walked on the earth. Can we move on now?" This would be me exhibiting an ulterior transaction.

Well this week I had an epiphany: I know this person who is always saying these negative things to me. Like when I was holding a bunch of stuff and trying to get out of my car, they said "Can't get out of your car anymore, huh?" or "Do you always eat that much?" Okay, I don't think I am overweight at all. I know I am not the skinny little thing I was in high school, but then in high school people actually used to point at me and call me anorexic. So maybe that is a good thing! Anyway, this week it occurred to me that this person has an ulterior motive of cutting down my self-esteem to feel empowered. So this person feels by making me insecure about my weight I will feel like less of a person. At first I was thinking I was being a conspiracy theorist, but I really think I am not imagining this; yet, an additional aspect of ulterior transactions is that people may not even realize they are doing this. It's like a game they learned to feel better about their own self. This person is someone who always has to cut me down about any or everything and even when I am right this person still argues just to make me feel inferior. I used to be baited by this, but I caught on a long time ago and stopped falling for it or as my professor would say I "intercepted the pass the quarterback was throwing."

So, that is what I learned this week in my overwhelming endeavor to improve my mind! ;) Maybe it is working after all! After all, I did actually learn something this week instead of my usual exhaustion and frustration! Yay!
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Oh! Additionally, we learned about the Karpman drama triangle in which my professor actually showed a clip of the Wonder Years to hammer home the concept. See, grad school isn't all grueling punishment! ;) We also learned how the war, the U.S. and George Bush are all living within the triangle. http://www.ta-psychotherapy.co.uk/games.htm