Conflict

Man, the last few weeks have been hectic, but I think the worst part of it was the underlying theme of the last month or so of my life: conflict. I have been thinking a lot about the topic and have come up with some thoughts that are obvious, but I have never actually given thought to before. For example, some conflicts fizzle and fade on their own, without any effort on the parts of the parties involved. I am a firm believer in this; especially in regard to people who have work issues. I have this saying "A person can only act for so long until they eventually let their guard down and show their true colors." So, I feel like if you apply for a job you are not qualified for, eventually someone will figure out you don't know what you are doing. Plus, I have noticed those people never stick around for a long time and I think it is because they are afraid of being discovered; although, I am not sure they are conscious of this.

Additionally, some conflicts last a long time, while others have a short time-line. I have had this ongoing conflict at work that has been a sore spot for awhile now. I mean, it's nothing major, but I have been riding it out, hoping it would resolve itself and it has (one week to go!). So, then there is this thing with a team I am on where I feel I just have different views regarding quality and effort than one of my teammates, which is more my deal than hers (she is very nice) because I generally have this same thing with any team I am on (well except my awesome trio with A & J!). I am a firm believer in putting forth my best effort and essentially knocking the socks off of everyone where presentations or assignments are involved; especially where school is concerned because I am paying thirty grand and want to actually get something for my money. So I figure, why not at least make an effort? Plus, speeches are a thorn in my side anyway, so I feel more comfortable giving them when I am confidant in what I am presenting and because I hate watching them, so I try to at least put forth the effort of keeping anyone watching one of my speeches awake. So my aforementioned speech trio liked to extend that courtesy to our audience by trying to be as innovative as possible. I mean, why not? They have to sit through our crappy presentation that we have been forced into giving either way. I just love those Power Points that are all white or white on black with the words running off the page and if there is a picture it is out of focus or doesn't relate to what they are droning on and on about, which is ironic because I am droning on and on now, but hey, when I have to watch more than two in a row of those I start wishing they would at least turn the lights off so I could sleep.

So then I have learned that some conflicts may not involve you, but still have a way of sucking you in and then sucking the life out of you. I have this ongoing conflict in my life that I did not create and it is between two people I know, but somehow I feel sucked into the middle. I think this is one of those never-ending conflicts unless some miracle occurs and one of the people is hanging from a building and needs the other to rescue them, thus causing that other person to be eternally grateful and wiping the slate clean. I wish the one could see the other's side and vice versa, but nope...

Some conflicts are also unavoidable. I was thinking of those factory workers in Chicago that have found themselves caught in a battle between Bank of America and their company. They didn't ask for a conflict, but find the conflict necessary to their survival. I can feel for them because there are only a couple of weeks until the holiday and these individuals found out they are being laid off with no notice. One man has worked there 16 or 17 years!

Anyway, the speech is tonight, so that will bring me one step closer to not feeling so weighted down. That is the other thing I have learned: We all have these little conflicts going on at all times and some are so old that we barely even think about them anymore, but if we gave it some thought we would realize how they are kind of like that Gulliver story, the one about the giant being captured by the little people and tied down by numerous tiny ropes. Sometimes we have fewer ropes than others, but other times we can be overwhelmed by the amount of things weighing us down each day.

Cats

Okay, I don't have a lot of time to post since I am having movie night with my daughter and I had to work all day, so I am beat. Sometimes working in finance just stinks; especially at end of month. Anyway, Thanksgiving was nice and my sister is a fabulous cook, but for this post thought I just had to tell a funny story about my daughter. I know, I know, no one appreciates lame mom stories except the kid's mom, so it's a good thing I set this blog up to talk to myself.

Anyway...

My daughter and my husband went to lunch with his uncle today (I will get into the story of his uncle some other day). My daughter has been wanting a cat for Christmas and apparently she has figured out that since she wanted one last year and Santa brought her a fake, but very life-like cat, this year he "owes" he by providing the real thing. So when my husband's uncle asked her what she wanted for Christmas she said "A cat" and when he said "Well what about your two dogs?" She said "That's okay, we can just leave the back gate open and they can run away." Nice, right? I mean these were my babies before I had an actual baby and now she wants to edge them out into the wilderness in exchange for a fur-ball with claws? LOL Anyway, just thought that was funny. I guess she is not a dog person?

Dear diary:

Okay, I haven't written in awhile and don't have any deep thoughts currently (maybe due to exhaustion), so I guess I will ramble a bit. This last week seemed to be a series of unfortunate events (isn't that a movie title?). My husband got a stomach bug in the beginning of the week so I had the brilliant idea of getting the flu shot my work (a hospital) offers. Then, if that wasn't brilliant enough (after all, the flu shot takes two weeks to work), I talked myself into taking the flu mist instead of the shot because I am terrified of needles (okay that's an exaggeration, I am mostly just a big baby). So if someone asks you whether you want the side effects consisting of a red, sore, and itchy arm for three days or a sore throat, runny nose, watery eyes, and an excruciating headache for three days, what do you do? Well, I am I apparently an idiot, so I spent the rest of the week not with a stomach bug, but still feeling like walking death. Not to mention the fact that I am as white as Casper the friendly ghost, so my red puffy nose stuck out like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. So people either avoided me like the plague or asked me if everything was okay with me (I think they thought I had been crying and the watery eyes didn't help much). My very sensitive husband even came up to me at a tour of a school we were attending and said "Wow, your nose is all red!" How nice is that?

Speaking of tours... I have also been busy with school of course, but I also set up a couple tours of elementary schools for my daughter because I want to "School of choice" her into a school in a better district. So we went to one school that focuses on the arts and has a fantastic format for teaching things like the history of Africa, religions, etc. The other was just your basic school, but everyone says such great things about it. I know it doesn't sound like a tough choice, but the first is a charter school, with school uniforms, which I am not sure I am happy about and because it is in a horrible spot and seems overcrowded. Plus, while the other kids on the tour were standing still and seemed like super geniuses (I am not kidding - one kid even discussed positive thinking and related his hobby of ventriloquism to famous historians, while my child had her coat on backwards, her hood up over her face, and was pretending to walk into walls.). My daughter is equally as smart I am sure, but she is definitely not as serious in any way. I may have said this before, but it is like having Jim Carey's baby. Anyway, the tours were interesting...

I also attended two presentations as a mentor at a high school for an anti-sexual assault program with my friend "J." This part of the week was actually fun (except the whole walking death cold thing). I had attending the training for the students putting on the presentations, so it was great seeing them in action. One girl is just such a natural leader and an excellent speaker. I was impressed by her. I am always happy when I see kids that are so much more confident than I ever was at that age.

Let's see what else... Yesterday my coworker who harasses me about my child being in daycare gave her notice, which I think I am happy about. Don't get me wrong, she is nice and everything, but I just can't handle the way she makes me feel like an awful mom because I work. Okay, I have to interject here that my old high school teacher would be lecturing me at this point about how "No one can make you feel anything, you do that to yourself." Yeah, he was fun. ;) Anyway, I did a "pretend" therapy session with my classmate the other day and she helped me realize this woman thinks she is being a "nurturing parent" but is really just coming across as critical. I just keep worrying that I may breakdown and yell at her and say something like "I am not like you because I am not so self centered to think I am the only one that has something to offer my child, so mind your own business."

Anyway, then last night we attended yet another party and this morning we got up early to drive to Denver to watch my sister's kids so she could attend a meeting. We took the kids to see Bolt (very good!) and then we wandered the very posh mall attached to the theater. This was an interesting task with four children. So we occupied their time with a picture with Santa, lunch, some wandering, and like two hours in a book store. Thank goodness for the nice lady at the bookstore who essentially adopted the kids for some time in order to read them some stories and color pictures with them (yes, she worked there). So, some $150 later, we survived and it actually went well I think! I do know that I will never have four children of my own because I simply am not that patient.

Okay, I think I am done rambling for now!

Deep thoughts this week...

This week has been pretty crazy. Besides the normal hectic stuff, Thursday we spent three hours of class discussing grief counseling. This was a really tough class session for everyone I think. You could almost cut the air with a knife it was so thick. We learned about grief counseling for the first part and then we had to practice using our new information and skills. I was told to play the client, while my classmate had to play the counselor. I was supposed to be a high school student who had to go to the counseling office because I couldn't stop crying in class after I lost my best friend in a car accident two weeks prior. Fun, huh? Some parts of learning counseling is so fantastic, but this was, well, not so much. Then to add to the fun we got to watch a video of Ed Jacobs (A therapist famous for Impact Therapy). He was helping a client who lost her father to a potential suicide in the Vietnam War some thirteen years prior, when she was like thirteen herself. It made me want to start balling in class, while the rest of the class seemed remarkably composed. I am such a sympathy crier though. It is pathetic. I can just imagine how she felt that her dad was gone and she said she felt all alone and knew he would have been there for her. Sheesh! This class brought up a lot of emotions for me as well and I just wanted to leave the room and run for the hills, but I didn't. I just sat there stewing.

Also this week I had to meet with some friends mid-week for a school assignment, but was anxious about how it would turn out since I don't really like making school plans in the middle of a week where I barely feel as though I see my daughter as it is. I felt like I was being bamboozled into the meeting, but heck, it was only one day out of my life and I was able to take my daughter out to dinner beforehand. Things turned out okay though and my teammates are very nice.

Additionally, this week my teacher let us off the hook for one of our assignments this week, but she is making us choose out of three different types of assignments for our final project. I can't decide, but she wants me to do a tape of me counseling someone, but that is seriously not fun for me. I might also do a Lifestyle assessment of my friend "J" but as close as her and I am, I am not sure I can ask her some of the very intrusive questions this assessment forces me to ask people. I am not sure I can discuss her personal life in a paper the way I am being asked to. Yikes! We'll see!

Tonight we went to a party up in the backwoods of the mountains at a log cabin-ish house of some people we have known awhile now. They are actually the parents of our daughter's friend, but we really love the parents of her friends and we have all known each other for so long that we just seem to click and be at a good comfort level; opposed to those lame kids' parties where you want to go hide in a corner somewhere. In fact, the host was telling us that she went to a party at her daughter's new school and one of the moms said she was drinking spiked coffee because she hated the parties so much. Although I have been to parties where I wished my drink was spiked (really I am only kidding), I have never felt that way with this group. Anyway, we had a really nice time and I am glad because I am so not a party person in general because I am a major dork; although I have held my share of them, it is painful for me. LOL

LIFE

So this last week was pretty emotionally draining, but what I learned, as my professor had the classmates go around in a circle and talk about anything that was on their minds, is that I am not alone in feeling that way.

We did something called a Family Constellation Paper, which relates to our family constellation (people who we consider to be important aspects of our lives growing up), gender roles, our genogram, and more. This was insightful, but also really depressing. I realized how bleak my life sounds when I spell it out into a paper format. My parents seem self-involved and a little crazy and my sister and I seemed to be totally incompatible, with her being the social and athletic one and me being a major dork. ;) I also learned that I come from a long line of strong and independent woman who seemed to feel they were better off alone. Nice, right? Even my great grandmother, who was my favorite relative by far was a little too independent. She was great though. So then I realized something: No wonder people say I am stubborn, that I refuse to accept help from others, and that I am someone who tends to give up on people who make me sad (not mad, just hurtful). I have a three strikes you're out rule and very few people, if any, have gotten past it. Again, nice, huh? Keep in mind, I don't realize I am doing this, I just figured all of this out this week and sooooo much more!

The thing is, I learned this all by answering a couple of different lists of questions we were given. One list said tings like "Out of your siblings, who was the tallest, prettiest, favorite, most athletic, smartest, hardest working, organized..." You get the point. So then I had to choose. The other one discussed things like "What were the gender roles?" Another asked things like "What was your first memory? What dreams to you remember? etc..." That was fun too. My few memories were bizarre. For example, when I was like five my cat Missy climbed up into the car engine to stay warm, but I didn't learn this until later in life, like adulthood, from my dad. So my memory is of my mom when she had purchased and framed pictures (postcards?) of Siamese cats that were chasing butterflies in fields and my mom told my sis and I that Missy had gone on vacation and had sent us a postcard from her trip. Nice, yet again, huh? Then, when she found another Siamese, she would tell us that cat was Missy. I wonder how many Missy's there were exactly??? Ughh... Okay, well, at least I am not alone; although, the fact that childhood sucks for most everyone offers little comfort. LOL

Oh on a lighter note, and here's the new word of the week I learned from Rachel Maddow:

• Recalcitrant: Head strong, unruly, disobedient

Relief

I still have to fight back the tears when I hear snippets of Obama's speech from the other night. I can only imagine how those have been warriors in this battle for longer than I have been alive must have felt watching the crowds of tearful and happy people cheer on our new leader. So many people have suffered and died while fighting for their rights, but this is not just a fight for race, but also gender and for other minority groups. As a woman I can see how this can pave the way for all who have suffered for things that do no involve character but rather aesthetics. For example, the women I have seen black and white photo's of who fought for our rights to vote who were jailed, spit on, and starved. I have to say that my watery eyes were from my support for those who fought so hard, but also for the mere thought of a new chance for hope and change. We can now see the light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel than seemed, four years ago, to not have an end in a world that did not seem to make sense or have logic. Now I can say that at least half of the country is willing to take part in change and restoration. Here's the thing though: The battle does not stop here, as Obama said, we do have a long, uphill road ahead. We should not let go of our motivation for change that was generated by the election. We need to keep going and gather together to help make the changes we want because one man (in this case) cannot do it alone. Those of us who have suffered from the economy, some more than others, should think about the changes we want and pass this along to those who can help us see those changes come true.

I was also thinking today about how there is a sort of a feeling of hypervigilance when there is an election. Our emotions get so inflated by the drama and the media and when it is over, the media and politicians go on about their business while the rest of the country is left with the aftermath. It's like we are left to clean up the emotional debris after a storm of emotions, but for the media and politicians this is just normal business. It reminds me of those Ralph wolf and Sam sheepdog cartoons where they clock in and out like it's no big deal that one was about to eat someone alive. It's frustrating whether your candidate wins or loses because all of the sudden everything is out of your hands; opposed to before the election is over when you feel you can still vote, volunteer, etc. in order to make a difference. Now, even with Obama's win, I feel an overwhelming sense of the old "hurry up and wait" feeling, like "Now what?"

Random Thoughts

http://yourmorals.org/ <- This is a site I learned about in one of my classes the other day. I haven't been brave enough to take any of the tests yet; although, not because I don't think I am a moral person, because I know I am, but I am just too dang tired and my brain is full. I think it is an interesting concept because you can find out about your personal morals and aid in research at the same time. The site will even give you a score, which is very interesting as well because I thought morals were somewhat subjective and culturally based; yet the Internet is worldwide. Anyway, someday when I am less mentally drained I will venture to the site to see what they have to say about me. ;)

*************

Another random thought that crossed my mind today was regarding cultures and generations. I will talk some other day about why I was thinking about this - genograms, family constellations and other therapeutic blah, blah, blah, but right now I was realizing how it was strange how things can change over the course of a few years in a family. For example, staying at home as a mother used to be the "norm" although I question this was ever the case since no one in my family ever did. In fact, I think I read some 40% of moms worked in the 1950's? That's a lot. Anyway, so my coworker was saying the other day that mom's today have it easier because moms today just hand off their kids to someone else (I will also deal with the fact that this woman gets under my skin with her annoying judgements of me another time). I was saying that I think moms today have a more difficult job because we have to worry about car seats, the Internet (MySpace, etc), toilet locks, cupboard locks, texting, e-mail, iPods, allergens, etc. (it's a wonder we maintain our sanity). Plus, I also have to figure out how to not have my daughter be some computer junky when I just got her pre-kindergarten report card that assesses her technological abilities! Anyway... I was also noticing that from when I was a kid I called my grandmother Grandma Jones (for example) and calling her Grandma Ruth would be strange, but for my daughter, calling her grandparents by their last name would seem really bizarre. She would never say Grandma Smith, she simply says Grandma Hannah. When did we make the switch? Or is this just my family because my daughter has so dang many grandparents? I think this has some connection between the way people today feel less of a power difference between elderly people and younger people. I know I am raising my daughter as an equal person in our family and not simply a "seen and not heard" child that I often felt like growing up. So maybe that has an impact on the way we view things. Okay, just a thought!

YAY!!!!!!!!!! Obama!

Enough said! ;)

Dear Diary...

Okay, can I just say I hate the Cranberries? Not cranberries, but The Cranberries? They are seriously whiny and annoying. Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. I know I am probably the only person in the world that doesn't like their Zombie or Dreams songs. My coworker listens to them on Pandora and I have to say that it makes me want to stab out my ear drums. No offense... (Don't you love it when people say that? LOL). She listens to other music I can handle - Sheryl Crow, 10,000 Maniacs, The Wallflowers, Counting Crows, etc. but sometimes I am just like - blech! Even some Natalie Merchant and Sheryl Crow songs drive me crazy because they are very draining.

People actually do this?

I had never heard of this annual tradition in D.C. before now, but apparently people actually dress in drag and race in high heels around Halloween each year. So, this sounds really strange, but I was thinking that if I lived in a place famous for being saturated with politicians I would probably welcome anything that made me laugh, even if just a little. So these people, who walk in a parade before the race and party afterwards, are almost performing humanitarian efforts for the local D.C. community's sanity (as ironic as it sounds to use drag queen high heel race and sanity in the same paragraph). Maybe every city should start this tradition every year at election time. As one person commented "let's learn to take ourselves less seriously" and I couldn't agree more!

Article

Be more like Oprah?

You know I like to get on here and write because it clears my mind, but man, I have been super busy over the last well, forever... Anyway, here are a few of the things that have been running through my head:

• Living Oprah - I love the idea of this blog because it is thought-provoking, but also it is really, really creative! This woman has spent the last year "Living Oprah" in that she buys or does anything that Oprah says "you must" do this, buy this, or whatever. She has kept a blog about her social experiment for the last year as well. Recently I thought of this woman because I saw a preview for Oprah's show last Friday where the commercial said something like "Find out what new gadget Oprah says you must have." It turns out that gadget is the Amazon.com's $300 Kindle book reader-thingy, which I only know because I got on her blog, finally, and found out that Oprah actually sent her a Kindle that day as a gift, but the woman sent it back! She said she decided when she began this social experiment that she would not take any financial help. I think that is smart because taking it from Oprah may create a bias in her experiment; although it would be really tough giving up a $300 gift from Oprah! : ( Anyway, it is pretty interesting to see how much advice Oprah doles out each day: LivingOprah.com
  
• I recently did some training to be a mentor for peer groups for high school kids that are giving presentation on sexual assault awareness (wow that was a mouthful!). Anyway, the day-long training went so, so well for me and it reaffirmed my choice of wanting to be a school counselor. Although the kids were all memorable, the thing that keeps running through my mind is woman in the media. This has also been the theme of the last week in my counseling classes. We even had a specialist come to one class who talked to our class about the hidden messages in the media regarding race and women. One of the main themes that seems to keep repeating itself is that there are no Disney movies where the woman is saving the man. The woman are all waiting bated breath to be saved by some guy they barely know. So, with that said, I am trying to coax my very creative, cartoon/computer graphics whiz sister of mine to write and create a new feminist Disney movie. We'll see.
• I was listening to Michelle Obama on the radio on the way into work today and learned: Obama's favorite snack is nuts (almonds, pistachios, etc) and bottled tea. The girls' second favorite holiday is Halloween. This is hard hitting news here. I am so glad I was almost late to work to tune in. LOL No, one thing that was interesting was that Obama has never missed a parent teacher conference for his kids. Pretty cool.
  
• Class night was very interesting for a couple of reasons: One, we were talkign about ethics in regards to new technology, such as MySpace, Facebook, etc and being able to view client information on these site or seeing this information by accident and whether or not clients can find our information on these site. Mostly though, this reminded me of the latest fad of teens sending uh, inappropriate pictures of themselves via text message to friends and how police in a couple states have tried prosecuting some of these individuals for sending child photography. These are the kinds of things we as a society are dealing with these days (yuck). I think the police are trying make an example out of these individuals, but I really feel that people need to understand that once you send this stuff into cyberspace, you can't retract it and you don't know who will view it. This may inadvertently be sent to some sicko out there, not just some buddy who will take it as a joke. In one of these examples, the text was sent to the football team. : ( Yikes. Article1 Article2
  
• We also talked about out "Creative counseling kits," which is a kit of props that makes me feel like a counseling version of Carrot Top. I wont go into my entire kit here, which includes a Newton's Cradle, silly putty, magnifying glasses and more! I did want to mention the example my teacher gave where she took a dollar bill and asked the girl "How much is this worth?" The girl said "A dollar," then the teacher crumpled and stomped on the dollar and then asked again how much it was worth. The girl again said a dollar. So the point is that no matter what you have been through - shredded, abused, hitting rock bottom - your value remains the same. Interesting! ;)
  
• I also learned a new word today. Well, I have heard the word of course, but I actually took the time to look it up since it has been used so frequently lately with all the election talk - Juggernaut: A relentless force.

More political garbage...

Okay, so I am sure a ton of people watched the last debate featuring "Joe the Plumber" and an antsy and somewhat crazy looking McCain. With all other issues aside, I have to say the one thing that is driving me nuts about the McCain campaign (well, okay, there is a lot actually) is his catastrophically weak health care proposal. Forgive the ranting I am about to do, but...

Recently I received a five page Word doc. in an anti-Obama e-mail from a McCain supporter that discussed the grandeur of McCain's so called fantastic plan. Here's the thing: From what I understand, McCain is offering $2,500 for each person, $5,000 for each family. In addition to this, he plans to tax employers on insurance for the first time ever. Now, the average amount paid out for health insurance by a family with employer based health insurance is roughly $12,000 and $4,400 for each individual (Health Insurance Costs, 2008). Keep in mind, this is employer based health insurance. The $12,000 and $4,400 is the employee's share. So, employers (who generally receive a better deal on insurance costs because they are part of a larger group) still pay out a lot more money in addition to the $5,000 for a family, or $2,500 for an individual. My employer pays out around $16,000 per family.

John McCain keeps using that $5,000 number, but it's dishonest in a way. Realistically it is $2,500 per person when an employer is paying the rest, so it's just not right to use that number in conjunction with the other, lesser figure of $4,000 for explaining the average cost of insurance. In other words, he is choosing the higher figure (a $5,000 credit) when it makes him look good and the lower (a $4,000 cost of insurance) when it makes him look good. Realistically it looks more like this: He will give you $2,500 per person and the average cost for a person to pay for insurance, under an employer's group discount, is $4,400. Even that amount is deficient of the real price and who pays for that? Additionally, one must also consider the fact that this is only for employer based insurance where my employer pays roughly $16,000 in addition to the $4,000- 5,000 I give them. What about people without employer based insurance? What good will $2,500 do for them?

Furthermore, the tax for employers will cause employers to charge those of us who are offered employer coverage more for our insurance to cover the tax - from what I understand. Other employers may decide they are unable to offer insurance with the additional taxes. I guess I at least owe McCain my gratitude for making me appreciate how lucky I am to have what I have after doing this recent homework on the issue.

Health Insurance Costs. (2008). National Coalition on Health Care. Retrieved October 15, from http://www.nchc.org/facts/cost.shtml.

Can We Get Over Ourselves?

News article regarding racist's plot against Obama

Okay, so I am getting pretty fed up with the ignorance still so prevalent in the world today and I can't seem to get it off of my mind, and why should I? There are large groups of people who can't simply choose to forget, so why should I be able to just set it all aside? I was at a dinner a few months ago when I actually heard someone talking about Obama by saying that he wasn't going to vote for a "N..." I imagine people wont have trouble filling in the blank there. I also just received forwarded spam mail from someone saying that we should "vote for a person with a nice Irish M-C name and a hot wife, rather than a Muslim terrorist." There have been death threats, talks of KKK rallies, and other ridiculous things on the news as well. I also had someone tell me that they had a conversation where the person told them if they met Obama they wouldn't shake his hand. Really? A person who is a Harvard graduate who is most definitely smarter than most of the people I know and this person doesn't feel he has proven himself enough to shake a hand of a white person? Ughhh... It's skin pigment and I just don't get the point of this vacuous garbage that seems to be a black hole in the logic of normally coherent people, as well as some less than coherent people. All of this, beyond the issues of politics, has shed some pretty serious light on human behavior and the stunning lack of progress we have made in terms of discrimination. I am honestly baffled and fully exasperated by the racism that continues in the world, despite the fact that we have long since passed the days of the Civil War and the work Abraham Lincoln and others started to do.

So, once again I was listening to the This American Life podcast this week and was inspired by the messages, which were somewhat neutral, showing both sides of Democratic and Republican supporters. I think what is most fantastic about this podcast was the truly realistic view they give regarding the racism the Obama supporters experience. It's maddening and sad, and I know what that sadness feels like from having personally gone door to door for Obama, knowing that racism is still an excuse people use for not voting for Barack. Having grown up in a household where I cannot remember race ever being an issue, I have been enlightened during this campaign. I have had my eyes opened to the amount of racism that surrounds me each day, that I was barely aware of before. Who knew? I certainly didn't and I am really sad about it.

Anyway, I wish I could play this podcast for the world because I think a lot comes from just hearing the student who plays a video on his cell of Obama turning into a monkey which makes the Obama supporter pretty upset. Or from the union member who is an Obama supporter that brings up a really good point: If people are religious, how can they be racist? If Jesus was alive, would he care about the color of people's skin? Especially considering what part of the world Jesus was from. People tend to build their reasoning around what is most convenient to their beliefs and apparently it's convenient to judge people rather than looking inward. Anyway, I am truly saddened by this...so I am here to say "Enough already, let's move on please." I don't know who said this, I think it was Mahatma Gandhi, but "We need to be the change we want to see in the world."

This American Life Podcast

I can clone myself and it will only cost $60,000! ;)

You know, nothing says Merry Christmas to a kid like "Here's a $1,500 teddy bear that's really too expensive to play with." Well, unless you are Brad and Angelina I guess (which by the way is another story) - where $1,500 teddy bears are probably considered substandard. Anyway... this year's Neiman Marcus Christmas catalog has everybody talking (and by everybody I mean the morning radio show I listen to. LOL). The catalog is loaded with insanely expensive and uniquely original items for the people you love the most...and you would have to love them considering the amount of money you would be spending on them. For example, did you know you could purchase your "sweetie" a 16th century gemstone ring for the low, low price of $45,000. Not a bad price really, considering they say to spend at least a the amount you would spend on a brand new Volvo for your engagement ring. What? No one says that? Hmmm... Okay then, how about $7,000 cuff links?

My husband would especially enjoy a Jack Nicklaus designed three-hole golf course in our backyard for only $1,000,000. Actually that seems pretty cheap too. I mean, for Jack to spend his time and effort, and such, assuming you have a backyard big enough for three holes. Mine would be more like a Jack Nicklaus designed mini-golf course and I am guessing Jack doesn't specialize in wind mills and clown mouth themes for his courses.

How about having yourself designed out of Lego's for your mom this year? That way she will always have you nearby. It's only $60,000! In all fairness, we did visit Legoland in San Diego and we did have a lot of fun taking our pictures with the fake families and Darth Vader made out of Lego's. So, it may be even more exciting to prop your Lego-self up at parties so people can admire your creepy likeness while you cater to other guests. Although, with me, they might think the Lego version of me is more exciting and I would get jealous. Kidding... sort of. I have also decided that I so need a special skill such as this one and realize I should have spent more time playing with Lego's when I was a kid. I mean, I could learn to build people out of Lego's and then just charge people $30,000 a piece, which would seem like they were getting a bargain!

Anyway, the point is that it is fun to dream...so take a look if you dare (and if you aren't typically catapulted into depression by these sorts of things). It's actually really pretty cool to browse the catalog and to see how the other side lives!

Click here to view Neiman Marcus Christmas catalog

Whatever it takes, and then some...

I recently wrote a report for school about a passion of mine- it was in regard to systemic change and educational reform where I talked about the Harlem Children's Zone (HCZ) created by Geoffrey Canada. Essentially, Geoffrey Canada discovered the vast differences in the way middle and upper class people raise their children versus the lower income families, so he wanted to create a way to bridge the gap between the success of the more affluent families and the ones in the HCZ. The HCZ is in an area in Harlem where violence statistics are abnormally high in comparison with other areas in the country and where incomes are low and dropout rates are high.

The program, which starts from birth and continues throughout the child's life, offers the community an alternative that will allow the children to succeed. The program teaches parents of lower income communities not to physically discipline their children, but to read, play, and sing to their children because they have discovered that these skills will help children throughout their lives. They also offer tutoring programs, charter schools, and more. Since the program was put into place, the area where the HCZ is has seen a decline in violence, as well as an enormous increase in the educational statistics. I could go on and on about the success stories because they are incredible, but instead, Paul Tough wrote a book about the program called "Whatever it Takes." The book is okay, but I really feel his piece on the podcast on thislife.org sums up the program in a more simplified and inspiring way.

The statistics in both resources are astounding because they discuss the success rate of the program and the amazing decrease in violence. Paul Tough even talks about the amount of children's funerals Geoffrey Canada used to attend back when he first started the program since the life expectancy in the HCZ used to be worse than in Bangladesh. The Kansas City studies done on professional families versus welfare families and the language differences between the families is the most amazing part in my opinion. The amounts of disparaging and encouraging remarks given to children of welfare families versus those in professional families in the study was dumbfounding. The professional families said more words to their children than the welfare family, as well as more encouraging remarks. Who knew?

This has been on my mind for awhile because it is a huge passion of mine. I would love to be able to start a standardized program like the HCZ in every community that starts at an early age and continues through the high school/college level. We need more programs that encourage people to raise their children in an educationally enriched environment and that offer people the same information and education offered to the middle and upper class. The problem is that there are not enough spaces in the HCZ program for everyone who wants to join, so they have to do a lottery to see who will be allowed in. So we can see people are looking for help, but are not offered help in the same way that is readily available to anyone who wants it in other areas of the country. For example, I just saw a flyer at my daughter's doctor's office for parenting classes for $10, which are being offered by the office's youth counselor. Just the fact that my daughter's doctor's office has it's own mental health counselor and a dietitian says a lot I think. Anyway, I found this to be very interesting stuff, I just wish I could think of a way to implement this type of program in my area. This is the very reason why I want to be a school counselor - to be able to help with things like this.

On a little side note: My husband and I went by a playhouse that was for sale near us, but there was not price, so we left a message for the seller just to see. It turns out it was $5,000! It was built by a custom home designer and has a kitchen, a satellite hook-up, a television, and more. Obviously we are not going to buy this for our daughter, as cool as it would be (and it would make a nice "guest house" for my mother when she comes to visit LOL), but we can see from this example how diverse our economy is and how this diversity filters down to our children at an early age.

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Also, I saw this article today as well: Biden Visits Colorado
The article is not the issue, especially since it is supposed to be abut Biden but is more about McCain supporters. My issue was more about the comment given by a McCain supporter that talks about how spreading the wealth is not good for America. Really? I would imagine that there are a lot of people losing homes or people who can't afford the same opportunities for their children that wealthy people can who would probably beg to differ. It's disappointing that people don't care about their fellow human beings and their financial status, when in reality when you are a part of a system, every person's issues and concerns eventually impact the other people in the system. In a recession, an employee of Best Buy may not be able to afford his mortgage, while at the same time, other people who can't afford their mortgages can't afford to purchase things from Best Buy. If people don't buy things from Best Buy, the owner suffers, which causes the whole business to suffer- causing layoffs and even more economical hardship - and that's just one example!


References - More fancy college stuff! ;)

Tough, P. (Speaker). (2008a, September 26). 364: Going big [Audio]. This American Life
podcast. Retrieved September 30, 2008, from
http://thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=364

Tough, P. (2008b). Whatever it takes. New York, NY: Houghton Mifflin Company.

Blah, Blah, Blah

Okay, so this was supposed to be a relatively relaxing weekend, but it wound up just being stressful. Besides reading chapters in my boring text books, we went to dinner and the Battle of the Haunted Houses on Friday, which it turns out isn't much of a battle. One was basically us walking through some neon hallways with people following us. Scary. The other was the usual walk through a hearse; although there were some scary moments, so my vote went to that one for sure (I mean, if we were actually keeping track somehow). We then went to an ice rink where we proceeded to get thrown out of a college hockey game (long story and it's not as bad as it sounds - LOL). If you knew my husband you would know how mundane that sentence really is in our household. In fact, you can't ever say "Hey, remember the time you got kicked out of ___" because that's almost like saying, "Hey, remember the time you ate cereal for breakfast?"

I remember one time him and his friend took me four wheeling in the mountains and we were literally driving through a forest without a road when we came upon signs saying "Keep out," but these two had to keep going. It was like in the cartoons where the signs get progressively worse too, like "No really, keep out" and "No, we mean it," but did they?? No... well, eventually they did when I convinced them that it might be the home of a crazy militia mountain man who really isn't full of humor when it comes to trespassers.

The next day was spent at the pool, with a nice side trip to this lagoon I had never been to. We discovered it while we were visiting the Obama headquarters to sign up to volunteer. I also had the most interesting conversation with an elderly gentleman, which restored my faith in humanity and the overall intelligence of humans. We were walking to our car (which has a nicely placed Obama sticker on it) and he said "I thought only old guys like myself liked Obama." That's kind of funny in itself since I thought only older people liked McCain... I mean, not all older people like McCain, but only older people like him. It turns out you really can't generalize either way. Okay, I should interject something here since my inner psychologist is telling me to - I am aware that I probably should not generalize at all, but hey, I am human! Plus I just don't care. ;) Anyway, my sis said she was at a party this weekend and the moms were saying something about how they should tax only people making under $150,000 (at least this is how I understood it). See, now these people thought Obama was an elitist and I just think that is very "mean Bingley sisters from the Pride and Prejudice-ish" (I know, that reference may be lost on anyone but me). So, anyway, the elderly gentleman and I had a nice conversation about population growth, parks, good Mexican restaurants nearby (since him and his wife we disputing this topic somehow), and then we parted ways. He was very nice, which we need more of in this world. In fact, my pastor was just talking about that very thing, and even played a clip from Pay It Forward. We really should do that- Be nice to at least three people and ask them to do the same. Imagine...

We finished the day by going to a farm/restaurant, complete with indoor slides, horse rides, country bands singing Johnny Cash songs (I wont hold it against them), and of course the most fantastic fried chicken! ;) That was just Friday and Saturday! Today was equally hectic it seemed.

Okay, there's my "dear diary" entry just to clear my mind of trivial thoughts for today. Although, as a total contradiction to myself, I should say that I taped and watched the Palin performance on SNL and it was pretty funny; although most of the credit for that went to the Weekend News Update people, but it was actually pretty good!

Hard Knox

There's something about the idea of telling the stories of the people who do not usually find themselves in the spotlight that appeals to me. In high school a friend and I would often find ourselves talking to random strangers on the streets in the U-district in Seattle and while, looking back, this seems like a bad idea, everyone always had such an interesting story to tell. I also loved talking with the kids at the residential treatment centers where I completed my internships. They were so full of life despite their current situations. I could go on and on (as usual) about how I would love for my work's website to have a special feature on each employee telling us the things that most people never get to hear until, sadly, we hear them too late. Anyway, the point is: People are so fascinating!

So recently, when I heard the most fantastic music from the Choir of Hard Knox, I was so excited by the concept and story behind the choir. The Choir or Hard Knox is an Australian choir devised of numerous personalities who are generally considered to be "disadvantaged" or "less fortunate" compared to one's typical idea of a choir. I was so impressed by Jonathan Welch's ability to compose such a beautiful sound from a group of people maybe who don't really "fit the mold" so-to-speak, or read music even. It's a great concept of taking real people and showing that beautiful things can come from anywhere, not simply well-polished performing arts graduates, which of course Jonathan himself seems to be - but I won't hold it against him! ;) Anyway, I had to dedicate at least some of my daily ramblings and thoughts to such a great story.

Story behind the choir

Homesick

Recently I got a Facebook message from a friend in Seattle telling me that one of our best friends was going to be back in the Seattle area for a visit, but I am not there sadly. She ended the message with something like "Jealous much?" or something similarly malicious ; ) (It's funny if you know this friend's sarcastic wit - it works for her). Coming from me it just sounds mean. Anyway, so I told her that I hope they have fun and to "Play a song at Beth's for me." This reminded me of all the things I wish I could have them do for me, since I can't be there myself. This also made me realize how many other cities out there have similar lists of things people reminisce over, such as the clam chowder bowls in San Francisco, Filippi's in San Diego, the sea lions in Newport, OR...okay, you get the gist (that's just the west coast!).
So anyway, just for fun, here is my "to-do" list, Washington version:

• Play a song at Beth's
• Take a hike to Lake 22
• Take a ride to Friday Harbor
• Bike to Lime Kiln Point to whale watch
• Visit the Sylvia the mummy at Ye Olde Curiosity Shop
• Have some clam chowder at Ivar's
• Visit the troll (no, this is not a person - ha ha)
• Have a sunset picnic at Gasworks
• Drive through Raymond to Long Beach
• Go to Hurricane Ridge (one of the most beautiful places on earth)
• Hug a bear at Leavenworth
• Watch a fish being thrown at Pike Place Market and buy some flowers there
• Take a picture with a pig
• Go to Post Alley for Theater Sports
• Sit at a cafe in Port Townsend
• See a concert (most definitely not a country one)
• Go to see the Pacific Northwest Ballet (they are incredible)
• Find a reason to visit the Paramount
• Smell a tulip
• Take a canoe ride at the arboretum/UW
• Lay in the grass and watch the hot air balloons at St Michelle's Winery
• Eat a slice of Pagliacci's (Cheese folded in half)
• Go underground (because I think the guides are funny)
• People watch at Bumbershoot

Okay, I know I am missing something, but that should be good for now. ;)
Just for fun: Funny sign at the Olde Curiosity Shop

Stopping time?

Okay, when I am really exhausted my mind wanders even more. Like when I was laying awake at 4 AM (now) thinking about how I am getting very little sleep and will get less today with school and work. So I was thinking of an old Twilight Zone episode (at least I think this was Twilight Zone, I was like 9 at the time) where the person had a stopwatch that could stop time. The stopwatch broke I believe, which was the creepy part of the episode (since there was always a creepy part), but I was thinking how cool it would be to have one of those watches and wondered what I would use it for if I could only choose one thing. Sleep? Play time with my daughter? Reading my insane amount of books on the theory and practice of psychology/counseling? I do not do well without sleep, but then I might not be able to sleep anyway because I would constantly be worrying if I would misplace or break the dang stopwatch. I couldn't really play with my daughter because she would be stopped too I think. See, I guess it is good I don't actually have one of these things! Maybe I would travel the world...

Wondering

I'll make this short because I am supposed to be writing a paper, but I am finding myself distracted by my thoughts and since the whole point of this blog is to clear my mind of incidental thoughts, here goes:

So I was getting in my car today after work and was heading over to pick my daughter up for her doctor's appointment. Something inside of me just felt this gut-wrenching feeling of sadness because I can't be with her during the day like some moms can and my very first thought was "Gosh, I hope she had a good day." Today was the first day of her being "Marvelous me," which is a role designated to them by the teacher for the week. She gets to be the "feature" child for the whole week and gets to be the teacher's helper, etc. We even brought in fun pictures of her and her family, like the one of her fighting Darth Vader. So, it turns out her day was great until we went to see the doctor and she had to get her shots. She was a fantastic sport and as usual didn't make a peep. That is something interesting about my daughter, by the way: She has never shed a tear when getting a shot, not even as a baby! Strange little girl! ;) The nurse even lectured me about it. I said "Wow, you didn't even cry!" Then she proceeded to scold me by saying "She should be able to cry if she wants to." As though I somehow forced her not to? Huh? Can you even do that because I would like to figure out how to make a kid not cry. That would make life a lot easier! Plus I would be a hit at malls, on airplanes, at doctor's offices, and other places where kids tend to scream.

Anyway, so here is my thought (I know, I know... way to get straight to the point, huh?): I was thinking about how every single day my heart aches to see my daughter and I think about what kind of day she is having every day as well, but did my parents ever feel this way? Did they even care where we were or what we are doing? Is is just me that thinks this way or is it just this generation of parents? You know, the generation that uses car seats, doesn't feed your child eggs before he or she turns one, and puts locks on all of the cabinets. Did any of our parents ever feel this way? I am fairly certain my parents didn't and my husband, well, I doubt that either. Nothing against them or anything, but I think it was just a different time in life. Perhaps I worry more because I have more to worry about - 9/11, tornadoes (I didn't grow up around them), sexual predators (now that we have websites that tell us exactly how many there are and where they live), lead toys, etc. Hmmm... I wonder...

Ulterior Motives

This week in class we are discussing Transactional Analysis (TA). TA has been around for awhile and in fact, I am learning how a lot of things that we do and say in society are derived from this theory - like the term "warm fuzzies" was in a book I picked up on the topic this week. My mom used to always use this term when I was younger. This is strange really because if you knew her, this doesn't really fit into her typical persona. By the way, saying "warm fuzzies" is not an adequate way to actually give someone warm fuzzies, but enough of my personal issues... Let's move on... So anyway...TA is very interesting, but I wont bore anyone with the mundane details (well, in this blog anyway... well, not on purpose anyway LOL).

Essentially what is important to understand about TA is that we each have three parts: Our Adult, the parent, and the child lurking inside of us and the communication (transactions) we have with others stems from one of these three parts. We can also have "ulterior" transactions, in which we are acting a specific way, but in reality what we are saying to someone really has a different meaning. For example, if I say to my coworker who always talks about how great her life is "You just seem to have the most perfect life," but in reality what I am saying is "Sheesh! I get it already! You are the most perfect person who ever walked on the earth. Can we move on now?" This would be me exhibiting an ulterior transaction.

Well this week I had an epiphany: I know this person who is always saying these negative things to me. Like when I was holding a bunch of stuff and trying to get out of my car, they said "Can't get out of your car anymore, huh?" or "Do you always eat that much?" Okay, I don't think I am overweight at all. I know I am not the skinny little thing I was in high school, but then in high school people actually used to point at me and call me anorexic. So maybe that is a good thing! Anyway, this week it occurred to me that this person has an ulterior motive of cutting down my self-esteem to feel empowered. So this person feels by making me insecure about my weight I will feel like less of a person. At first I was thinking I was being a conspiracy theorist, but I really think I am not imagining this; yet, an additional aspect of ulterior transactions is that people may not even realize they are doing this. It's like a game they learned to feel better about their own self. This person is someone who always has to cut me down about any or everything and even when I am right this person still argues just to make me feel inferior. I used to be baited by this, but I caught on a long time ago and stopped falling for it or as my professor would say I "intercepted the pass the quarterback was throwing."

So, that is what I learned this week in my overwhelming endeavor to improve my mind! ;) Maybe it is working after all! After all, I did actually learn something this week instead of my usual exhaustion and frustration! Yay!
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Oh! Additionally, we learned about the Karpman drama triangle in which my professor actually showed a clip of the Wonder Years to hammer home the concept. See, grad school isn't all grueling punishment! ;) We also learned how the war, the U.S. and George Bush are all living within the triangle. http://www.ta-psychotherapy.co.uk/games.htm

Hiccup Party Trick

I have this cool trick I learned from my buddy "J" and I thought I would share it because it is just too cool. ;)

So "J" learned this great trick using a dollar bill to get rid of hiccups. She learned it in a class for her graduate degree in Psychology, so I think that gave her more credibility for me to believe her. LOL. Anyway, you take a dollar bill and say to the person "See this dollar bill, with all of the writing, the president in the middle, the fibers, blah, blah, blah..." (Not sure exactly what she told me, so wing it). Then, after the person says "Yeah, uh huh" (and looks at you like you are either mad or boring them immensely) you say "I'll give it to you if you hiccup again" (Notice you say if you "do" hiccup again). Then the person stops hiccuping. Yes, I know, I thought she was insane too, but the other day when my husband had the hiccups I tried it. He thought I was insane, but it worked! I only had a $10 bill, so I used that instead of a $1 and he told me "I just wanted your money so dang bad, but couldn't make myself do it!" Personally I think he wanted it so that I he could prove me wrong and take my money because that's just how he is, but ha! I still have it! Jokes on him! Okay, there's my tip of the day! ;)

Dream Analysis

I had the weirdest dream a few nights ago - well, wait, let me back up just a bit... So for the last couple of weeks the theme seemed to revolve around dream analysis. Everywhere I turned I would hear some segment about dreams and what they meant. Oprah's XM channel had an older segment I was listening to regarding the topic and I have to say as open-minded as I usually consider myself to be on these things (I know, I know - it doesn't seem that way! I'm open-minded, but I'm cynical - it's complicated. ), this was a little weird. The man was talking about how a man can be running after you in a dream and instead of running from him, you should stop and go towards him. First of all, if you are able to do this, are you really asleep? Second, what if this person is trying to kill you in your dream? I don't know how everyone else feels about sleep, but my main goal is to sleep, not analyze my innermost desire or contact relatives from the beyond or to be stalked by and then embrace axe murderers. I'm tired and I want to... uh I don't know... actually sleep? Anyway, then I was listening to a local station and they were discussing snakes in dreams and how they can mean many things, but some people feel they represent death? Then I remembered my daughter waking up the other night saying she dreamt about snakes, which made me a little nervous. Then on the Oprah thing the man was saying snakes can be all sorts of things, good or bad. I can't help thinking of Freud's old adage here: Sometimes a snake is just a snake.

So back to this weird dream. First of all, I never dream. Okay, wait, the dream officials would say that I simply "don't remember" my dreams, but I have to dream. My theory is that I don't actually dream because I never actually sleep and that is why I am always exhausted and wake up every night at three in the morning. The only time I really remember dreaming a lot was when I was pregnant and I think it was because I finally passed out from exhaustion. Anyway...

Lately I have had quite a bit of company staying at my house, so I can see where this part of my dreams stems from: I had company staying at my house. It was my husband's best friend, his wife, baby, my husband's brother, his wife, and baby and they were out shopping together. So I guess I didn't want my kitchen to be messy or maybe I didn't feel I had enough room in my house, so I dreamt I broke into the house across the green belt behind my house and started cooking in their kitchen. I was also cooking in my kitchen, so I had run back over to my house to check on that food when I discovered these neighbors had come home and discovered someone had broke into their house. So I ran over to their house and asked "What's going on?" They told me about the cooking and the break in and I pretended to be shocked and offered to help clean up (I mean, it's the least I could do considering I was the one who made the mess. It was messy too! I must have been making some kind of beer bratwursts or something because there were beer bottles on the counter and stuff boiling on the stove? Weird). So I was cleaning up and afraid someone would discover I was the criminal, when the woman started telling me all about her marital troubles. I felt bad for her, but I SO just wanted out of there. It was like the girl cat in those Pepe le Peu cartoons. Then I woke up. So...I wonder what Oprah's dream guru would have to say about that dream! : (

McCain vs. Letterman

I just watched the best video of last night's Letterman show. McCaon was supposed to show, but didn't and isntead did another interview with CBS and said he was "rushing off" to Washington. Here are my thoughts on the interview:

Okay I am not typically fond of Letterman. What people need to understand here is that the media used to love McCain and as Letterman said here - no one recognizes the man anymore. He is a hero, but is bailing on an interview and the debates, which says something must be wrong. Letterman also has a fantastic point when he mentions Palin and asks where she is. If she is unable to step in for him on the campaign, where will she be as VP when the job gets really gritty. Ask yourself what you would do if you heard your running mate were postponing things, which could be detrimental to his campaign and nomination. Wouldn't you step up and say "I can do it" and jump in? I would! That's the first thing I do at my job when things get tight. There are also actual pins floating around in Alaska that say "Where's Sarah?" because that is a common question there.

Also, is the best thing for this campaign to postpone the ousting of George Bush from the white house? The economy is horrible and the best thing for the economy is a fresh new leader, no matter who it is at this point (well, maybe not anyone). Heck, where's Ross Perot, I would even take him right about now.

Additionally, Obama said yesterday that a good leader will have to do numerous important things at one time and he's absolutely correct. Why can't McCain do this? Even George Bush proved he was able to handle many things at one time after 9/11. Granted, he didn't have the task of reviving a bumbling campaign or making it seem likes there's hope in an economy that is worse than anything since the Great Depression at the time, but still... He was relatively new to office and still stepped in during a crisis.

Anyway, maybe I secretly loved the interview because Olbermann was on there and I just adore him. ;)

It's Okay to Wear Pink:

So that title sounds like that Jim Henson book "It's Not Easy Being Green," which in a way it sort of feels like, but not exactly. So how about "It's Not Easy Being Pink," although that sounds more like I am saying I am actually pink. If you refer to earlier posts we know that's not even true; it's more like Casper the Friendly Ghost, but that's a different issue. Anyway (You know, it's really a wonder I get to any kind of point, ever! LOL)... So awhile ago in class we were discussing Feminist Therapy, which encompasses a variety of job duties, so I wont go into details on that. I will say this though, I realized that Feminist Therapists do have a role in society, but not one that I feel like getting into right now. Basically I realized that you can be a normal sort of feminist, or some crazy gung ho feminist that shuns anything to do with traditional woman roles, colors, etc.

So anyway, my friend is going to have to have surgery and was told by her doctor that she should just have her ovaries out "while they're in there" because it can prevent that kind of cancer, but that seems so clinical and something only a male would say so casually. Yes, they are only organs, but they have so much significance to women (as much as a vasectomy would have for a man, if not more) and not to mention that no woman wants to be thrown into menopause early. Although I remember asking my mom how long my, uh, girl stuff would last when I first went through it and she told me "until menopause." So I asked "When is that?" and she said "When you are about 45." So every month I would say to myself "Only 35 more years of this crap." So maybe there is something to look forward to (I can't believe I just shared that story). Anyway, sometimes it is nice to have someone who understands the conflicts we face as women; yet, maybe a true feminist would say "Ovaries schmoveries, you don't need those to be complete as a woman." Who knows. Bottom line is that it turns out that after having a second opinion, ovaries do more than give you cancer and make you feel womanly for having them, they also prevent Osteoporosis. Who knew?

Back to feminism... and the title: A friend in class and I were talking about how she just recently started wearing pink because of the stigma attached to the color and even bought a pink iPod recently. I was telling her that I was the same way until I had my daughter, but now she literally picks pink stuff out for me - water bottles, clothes, fingernail polish, etc. I wish more people could look at the world like kids. The feminist in some of us assume pink is bad because it isn't gender neutral, it's "too" girly, but why can't we just like pink for the sake of liking pink? Maybe little girls like pink because it is pretty. So feminism, with all of it's good qualities, sometimes makes me cringe when I hear the word. In fact, when we originally read the chapter I just had flashbacks to my youth where my stepmother - who was an anchor woman, a motivational speaker, a police officer, and whatever else she did - was a little over-the-top feministic. I loved that at the time because it taught me that I as a woman can work, I can be educated, and I don't have to put up with crap because I am a girl, but what it didn't teach me is that I am allowed to be feminine, I can be emotional, and I am allowed to be vulnerable. Being a "true" feminist(whatever that is) is a lot of work and even the thought of it while I was reading my book, was mentally draining for me. I kept thinking about how hard it is to remember that I am not allowed to say fireman, anchorman, or "man and wife." I mean really, try it one day because it's a lot of work.

So here's my proposal: I propose that we all just do our best and that should be good enough. We have all of these set standards and we dock people when they don't meet those standards, when in actuality we should reward people when they make improvements towards an end goal instead. So now we have a idealistic 100% requirement we hold people to and take points off when they don't meet those standards. Maybe I am not 100% gender neutral in my conversations, but I am authentic and something should be said for that. Therefore, in addition to my Feministic (is that even a word) education I received this week, I also learned this from one of the most amazing, influential, and ground breaking women ever, Maya Angelo: "When you get - give. When you learn - teach" which was told to Maya Angelo by her grandmother. Words to live by. So, let's just pass on the good things we take in each day to our fellow "humans" and just continue to focus on our progress as a society as a whole. Let's continue to teach those who are oppressed what we have learned, lend a hand to those who need help with change, and lend a shoulder to those who just aren't ready yet. It's like Todd Parr says "It's okay to be different."

Songs on the brain...

Three songs that have been in my head this week, and not necessarily in a good way?

Don't Trust Me by 3Oh!3: This song is an anomaly. It is a great song (especially for clubs); yet it is somewhat offensive to me with lyrics something like: "Shut your lips. Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips" or something like that. Interesting concept. Hmmm... Blind and deaf girl in a sexual reference? I am not sure if I am offended only because I know an abnormal amount about her for bizarre reasons that I wont get into or if I am really all that offended at all - not sure. I really like the rest of the song though!

Typical by Tickle Me Pink: I really, really, really like this song, which makes one of the band member's death right before the national launching of their album that much sadder. Great song though - fantastic flow of up and downs. ;) It's been out awhile, but I just heard it on the radio on the way into work yesterday and couldn't get it out of my head.

Forevermore by Katie Herzig: This is just a great song! It's sweet and has toe tapping abilities in a totally different dynamic than the other two songs! :)

Meditation Through Decoration?

I was listening to some home decorators/designers talking in an interview today and I found their conversation to be interesting. They were talking about how before they can decorate for someone, they need that person to be honest with themselves. I found this funny because it almost sounded like two therapists talking about a client "I can't help them until they want to help themselves." What they were discussing made sense though because they essentially were talking about how the client will be eternally unhappy with everything that is done by the decorator if they are designing their home around the need to please others. So, if you have your home designed to impress your friends and family and not yourself, you will never quite be comfortable in your own home, because it is someone else's idea of what is considered to be a "home" - not yours. Interesting! So maybe therapists should take tours of their client's home or ask about their homes to see if they are congruent with the person's wants? We'll call it Decorating Therapy! ;)

I now know what emotionally exhausted feels like...

I have discovered why my professor recommended that we not use our own current dilemmas to help others practice therapeutic skills. I have played the role of "mock client" too many times over the last few weeks and I am finding myself to be emotionally and mentally drained. It's like doing therapy for an entire week straight, but not finding any answers. We are so new to the masters program that we are not supposed to attempt to solve anyone's problems, so we get about 15-30 minutes in and then quit. It's awful. I thought I wouldn't have an issue with it because, to me, just talking it out seems to help, but I was wrong. It's tough though because she suggested we use past issues to discuss with our classmates not current ones, but the problem with that is when I am done with a problem and I have moved on, I don't feel like drudging up past issues. One reason is that I am sick to death of an issue by the time I have convinced myself to move on, but another reason is that I am overly analytical and may feel the need to revisit the issue to see if I could have changed the outcome. So then it becomes fresh again.

So on my way home I called my mother for her fantastic family lasagna recipe, but she wasn't there, so I left a message that went something like this: "Hi there, sorry, I am not stalking you and sorry for calling two times in a row. There is no emergency, I just got cut off right when I was going to leave my message as I was going through the valley. I don't know why I chose to call you right before I went into the valley since I know that my phone wont work there. Sorry, I am rambling. I have a lot going on right now and so I am a little exhausted and I ramble when I am exhausted. You're message on your voice mail sounded so upbeat and positive, which is great. Anyway, I was hoping you could give me the measurements for the lasagna because I seemed to have misplaced them and I going to make it for my house guests even if they hate Italian sausage (and apparently onions, who knew? Who hates onions? ...and olives and mushrooms...). Call me back. I may be doing homework upstairs, so if I don't hear the phone, please leave a message." So my mom called back and said she was really worried about me, but I assured her I had calmed down at that point. So anyway, we went on to have a really good conversation and I realized that when my mother is in one of her good phases she is really, really good and wise. She helped me with my troubles I was having and explained some other things to me that made me have some introspect, which is remarkable because I generally don't talk to her because we have never really been too compatible. It was a nice feeling.

I am also reading (well, listening to) the Alchemist (A story about a boy on his life journey) right now and it is extremely thought provoking.For example, how is this one for you? From the Alchemist: “When you can’t go back, you have to worry only about the best way of moving forward” (Paulo Coelho). Wise, but also obvious, but then again sometimes we need people to point out the obvious. This also made me realize the beauty of Reality Therapy, although I am still not a fan of that theory. How about this one: "Everything that happens once will never happen again, but everything that happens twice is surely to happen again" - The Alchemist - insightful when you really think about it! Anyway... I am longing for a new Sophie Kinsella book that will allow me to be a vegetable where my thoughts are concerned.

So what I have learned this week is that a doctorate in counseling knows more than me about myself and that I should listen next time she tells me something. I have also learned that I am drained and that I am going to walk straight ahead and not veer my eyes in any direction than the one I am going in order to avoid seeing anything that my require me to think, be thoughtful, contemplate anything, or make my brain work in general.

Learning new things:

I guess recently Rick Davis, McCain's campaign manager, used the word "uppity" to describe Obama. Olbermann, from MSNBC Countdown asked Obama about this comment on his show Monday, but Obama seems to avoid bad mouthing people, which is nice but also really frustrating when you want a guy to stand up for himself once in awhile. Now before I go on, I have to admit that I am a bit naive because I have not heard of this comment in terms of racial stereotypes; however, after reading the definition, it does make sense that this would be considered to be an offensive comment... Uppity: "Taking liberties or assuming airs beyond one's place in a social hierarchy" from UrbanDictionary.com. Okay, so what Davis is stating is that he feels Obama is stepping out of line? So, even still, I had a hard time believing that someone in this day and age would actually say this; yet, when asked, I guess Davis essentially said "No, that's what I meant." Uh, seriously? Even without bringing race into the conversation and assuming he meant to say "elitist" or something else, it's still an interesting concept to use in regard to a person who went to school on scholarships and in the mean time the comment is coming from a campaign team devoted to a man that doesn't know how many houses he has (I actually saw this video where he said this) and who's wife said the only way to get around Arizona is by private jets (also from Countdown). Is Obama "uppity" because he isn't out killing his dinner with his bare hands like McCain's running mate? Some of us just prefer to go to the grocery store. Hmmm...


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Also, it's been a few days, but I wanted to talk about a concert I went to last weekend with my family and my friend's kids. My friend's daughter is the most amazing singer, so I thought she might enjoy someone else with a killer voice and guitar skills. We went to see Katie Herzig and Tifah. Katie is a friend of mine's sister, so I was introduced to her music through her, but i always hesitate to say that because I feel like people will think I am plugging her because she is my friend's sister, but she is seriously amazing! Tifah has the most amazing voice as well and was an incredible "live" performer, but for some reason it didn't translate that well to the CD my husband bought. Katie however has a voice that works in both respects. She is on several television show soundtracks, as well as the up and coming Sex and the City soundtrack (?). My friend also pointed out a way that I could get her CD for free by passing the word about her onto three friends through NoiseTrade.com, although I am not sure it is still up there. Anyway, she was really, really great. :)

Great song of Katie's (on YouTube)

Katie Herzig review from Billboard

Genetic bad habits?

An episode of the Today Show mentioned a new study showing there might actually be a "cheating" gene. There is evidence that there is a gene that shows whether or not a man has more of a capability of cheating on his wife. I was thinking about this and wondering whether or not it would be a good thing to be able to detect this kind of thing. I should interject that it's not because I am suspicious, it was just part of my usual insomnia - laying awake with nothing to do but think. Anyway...wouldn't this be bad? No one would ever go into a relationship with one of these individuals and may be missing out on a really good thing. The people discussing the gene said that many factors influence whether or not a person will cheat, such as upbringing, not just the gene. I was also thinking that this would be a real bummer for those that knew they had the gene. There might even be a wave of scheming and conniving to cover up results, such as men switching urine or blood samples to throw a girl off the scent of his impending fate. Plus, would people start avoiding those people just for the purpose of gene refinement? So if someone has a bad trait, do people choose not to procreate with them so that their offspring can avoid the gene? Craziness! What if you were really in love with someone and discovered this? Do you just kick them to the curb?

This also reminded me of a conversation about ethics in one of my counseling classes. There is a code of conduct stating that a therapeutic professional will not get involved with a client or friend/family member of said client for 5 years. We were discussing this in class and someone posed the question about what would happen if you didn't know the person was a relative and you were in love. One girl said that you would just have to end it, which seemed pretty cold. I can't imagine just walking away and saying "See ya" just because of a law and having it be so cut and dry. Luckily I am married and I imagine this sort kind of thing is pretty rare, but it was kind of on the lines of the cheating gene. Could I just walk away? That would be crazy; although I may want to reevaluate this on a day where I am not mad at my husband.

Unnecessary Competition

For class, we have to practice counseling tactics with another student. I have been a little stressed because I couldn't think of any ideas of problems to talk about with my classmate, until now...

Okay, so I work with this person that is extremely competitive. I am not sure what it is about me, but I seem to bring this out in people, but I really see it in this person. Today for example, I got this brownie from my corporate office that was wrapped in crumpled tinfoil and I have this serious germo-phobia (what's the technical term for that?) about mysterious food. I even keep my cereal in the refrigerator. I think it might stem from my upbringing and how my parents didn't really seem to eat leftovers even. My parents also grew up in a really poor working class neighborhood in Detroit and my dad is scared of rats; the stories of which may have something to do with my fears of mystery foods and pot lucks (okay, I am insane, I know!). Anyway, it was a really poor place where my parents lived, like something out of 8 Mile - that movie with Eminem.

I remember actually feeling sad for the kids I saw walking to school when I was visiting one winter ("visiting" is another long story for some other time). They didn't have enough clothes to cover themselves even though it was icy cold outside. One image is embedded in my mind to this day. It was this boy with a skimpy tan coat, who was pulling on the edges of his sleeves to try to cover his hands to keep them warm. I also remember my grandmother and the other neighborhood elderly women talking about "dumpster diving" and my grandmother using food stamps to get groceries. After hearing about dumpster diving, I always wondered where my "prepared" food came from. I was suspect of anything made by someone else - for example Potlucks! I also worked at a hotel where mice would get into the breakfast foods because where I live the mice are just everywhere and when the construction workers plow the corn fields to build, the mice run into the nearest building. Yuck! I also knew a guy who worked for the health department who brought in a photo album once that featured pictures of local restaurants that failed health inspections. Double yuck!

Anyway, so my coworker made some comment about how I didn't want the brownie that kind of sounded like I was weird because of my germo-phobia and keep in mind, I didn't ramble like entire story to my coworker. I just said that I think it had something to do with my parents growing up poor and my dad's fear of rats that he passed onto me. I don't know why I am the way I am, but this seemed like a sufficient answer to get her off my back. So what does she say? "I bet my husband was a lot more poor than your parents." Huh? Why and when did this become a competition? I don't get it. I wanted to say that, but I figured it wasn't a good idea to call her out on her unnecessary competitiveness about who's relative was poorer. Who cares? Anyway, what else can I do but ignore her? Every time I talk to her for any length of time I get frustrated at her eagerness to beat me out on bizarre things like this morning when I said "Wow, we got a lot of work" and she said "Oh, I knew we would" in a tone like she knew this before anyone else. Who didn't? It was a holiday Monday and our business day is Tuesday, so Wednesday would naturally be our busiest day this week.Or how she knew someone was out sick first. Again, who cares??? If she wants to be smarter than me, by all means, she is more than welcome to it. There are no prizes at my work for the smartest person or even the best guesser of daily workloads, but if it makes her feel better, then okay. I just wish she would leave me out of her weird compulsion to be the best because I just don't care. I just want to get the job done and go home.

A couple of weeks ago she even said something snide to a supervisor about me in front of me, as though she was kidding, but I knew better. I asked a friend at work what her deal was and she told me that I was intimidating because I have goals and ambitions. This makes no sense at all, but I went with it because it made me feel better. Now that I think about it, what the heck sense does that make? Could that be the real reason this lady is so competitive? Doesn't that seem counterproductive? Ughhh...

So, in the end, I didn't go with this dilemma for my classmate to work on with me. I actually went with a similar one from this specific coworker where she mentions every single day how she was home with her kids when they were young, as though I should be too. She said something when I first met her about me working while my daughter is in daycare and I explained that I work because my husband works for a small company that doesn't have health insurance. She even says stuff like that for new moms at the hospital or friends that stop by with babies, such as "Oh, I am so glad you are able to stay home with him because that is so important." I wonder if she knows how bad it makes me feel. So one day I told her that my mom stayed home and we resented her for it because we were dirt poor to the point where my sister couldn't even go on a $3 field trip without her teacher paying for it.

I feel it is important that my daughter have the opportunity to go on field trips, go to classes she wants to take (ballet, etc), phonics, tickets to the children's series at the theater, a pass to the Nature and Science Museum, have the socialization and education, that daycare offers, and more. To me, hanging out with me all day would be nice for about a week, but then she would probably go stir crazy and would benefit more from experiencing the rest of the world - culture, people, drama, etc. I know because when we are on vacation she is pretty much ready to see her friends and do some serious interacting after a week. Plus, I believe adults need interaction with others or they may go crazy, church and PTA just wouldn't be enough for me. I am going to school to rectify the longer hours than I would prefer, but in the mean time my classmate did help me figure out that this is what is right for me and this is my belief about how my daughter should be raised. It has nothing to do with anyone else or their "good" opinions on parenting.

Are Dems “cooler” than Republicans?

Are Dems “cooler” than Republicans? Well, of course they are, but here's why…

My husband was telling me that a friend (who is a young Republican) was saying how much cooler the Democrats seem when you watch their convention versus the Republican National Convention. It’s funny because I was thinking the same thing when I was watching it, but at the moment I am biased. Watching the RNC was like watching some kind of convenience store convention; full of old men, rich women with too much jewelry and makeup, and dorky people with lame cowboy hats. They don’t even look good in the cowboy hats like some of the rodeo “folk” where I live. I mean the young, studly cowboys and girls where I live seem to pull off that look, but dorky republican convention goers? Not so much. It's like when the new college kids come into town and they all think because they are in an agricultural type of state they need to wear a cowboy hat, but mostly look like dorks.

Anyway, the DNC was full of excitement, hope, celebrities (dare I say that word? Oh heck, who cares! - So celebrities like a Democrat, big shocker), concerts like the Flobots, poker games with Ben Affleck, and even funny signs that said “Discounts available for Liberals” and "Stop Bird Porn" (still not sure what that is about, but see below). The RNC was full of well, no one really special – sorry. Their big buzz speaker? Uh, a Democrat - A traitor, but still, a Democrat. That brings up a good point too! They had to “bring in” someone from the other party to create excitement! In fact, while watching the convention, I realized the coolest people there were Sarah Palin’s kids.

I know, I know, the coolness of Republicans or Democrats is really not important, but do we really want the world to see us as a bunch of stuffy, aging old fuddy duddies or do we want the world to see us as a group of young, vibrant representatives of the “American Dream” and all of the good stuff that comes with that? I heard someone from another country talking about the American Dream the other day and she had no idea what this meant. Didn’t people know what this was at some point? Before we all lost hope for any kind of dreaming at all? Plus, from a marketing standpoint, wouldn’t we want the younger, non-voters who are considering choosing a side to see a livelier and exciting group? Those people are going to see the excitement of the DNC and subconsciously think of “Change,” “Fresh ideas,” “Hope,” or well, breathing. The RNC? Again, not so much.

So in conclusion: I am agreeing with my husband's friend - not because I am a Democrat (because I am really registered as independent - I know, hard to tell, huh?) and not because I was in the Denver area at the time of the convention, so I want to be "cool by association" (because I would never take a leap far enough to consider myself to be cool). No, I am agreeing with him because I have watched both conventions now and have reached that conclusion based on observation. I saw that the most exciting thing during the McCain speech was two, yes count them - two, protesters that were smart enough to get tickets to the opposite side's big night. One of the protesters appeared to be a Vet and for the record, sadly McCain does "vote against Vets" and he big issue with me is the unwillingness to give an appropriate amount of rest between deployments and voting against mental health issues. Sad! The Vets actually gave him a lower rating than Obama! I don't think you get to stand up and give a speech at your convention stating 9 million times that you are a war hero and not feel at least a little bit hypocritical that you are not in favor of the current troops situation. Maybe he thinks they are whiners, like Palin feels Hillary is for women's rights. Maybe "Maverick" means to belong to a group (Women, Vets, Democrats, etc.), but to secretly dog it from the inside.

http://www.veteransforcommonsense.org/articleid/9559
http://www.aflcio.org/issues/politics/mccain_vets.cfm

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Stopping Bird What?
This seems to explain? Uh, Okay?? Maybe this is counterproductive in proving Democratic coolness, but you will get weird people at any big event. The point is that at least the DNC kept things interesting!